Getting wrapped around the axle

In a discussion group I participate in, we talked about how easy it is to become overwhelmed by things in our life, and how easy it is to let these energies distract us from what we could otherwise be focusing on. Here is some inspired wisdom that our group shared:

• Don’t be overwhelmed by a huge to-do-list. You can only do one thing at a time, so focus on doing each thing as efficiently and as well as you can!
• Don’t add negativity to an already challenging situation. Encourage yourself - think positive thoughts!
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help, physically or spiritually.
• If you do make a mistake, don’t punish yourself. Focus on making it right.
• Reflect on what you have accomplished and think of ways to further improve.

Put simply, stop trying to multi-task! It’s better to do one thing right than to try to stumble through a pile of to-do items. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, or being intimidated by a huge pile of work, take things one step at a time. Focus only on what you need to do next, and do it well. When you are finished, cross that item off of your list and go on to the next item. As you go finish each task, congratulate yourself on what you’ve achieved. And by methodically focusing on what you need to do, rather on possibilities, you will finish it all a lot faster than you could have imagined. Congratulations!

We spend most of our lives focusing on learning, working and planning for a distant time when we can relax and enjoy ourselves. Set those rules aside: What are you doing to enjoy your life today?

Finding peace with family

Five years ago today, I had one of the most challenging family experiences of my  life. One of my older family members lived alone, and would sit in her kitchen most of the day listening to AM talk radio. It was Halloween, and just a few days before the 2012 presidential election. By this point, the voices coming through the airwaves had convinced her that our country and our world were (literally) going to come to an end if a certain candidate did not prevail over his evil, incumbent rival in the upcoming contest.

That day, I just happened to think about her, and decided to call her to say hello. The ensuing conversation was like nothing I could have ever expected. This beloved relative could talk with other family members about just about anything, but with me, she always wanted to focus on politics. I really dislike talking about politics. I learned from an early age never to discuss politics, religion or money. Our views on these three things are highly personal, and really none of anyone else's business - and for good reason.

That October evening, I don't know why she chose to lash out at me. Maybe it was just conveniently close to Election Day. Maybe it was because she associated me so closely with my mother, whom she also liked to taunt with controversial political topics. Whatever the reason, she was looking for a debate, and the bait was not something I was taking.

Common sense and respect dictated that I should not argue with her. I simply did what I could to help comfort her - reassuring her that everything would be okay either way, and trying to steer the conversation into more neutral territory. She wasn't having it, and I didn't want to argue. She tried and tried, and the more I didn't fight back, the more frustrated she got. We finally agreed to disagree, but when the conversation ended and she hung up, that little click on the line was clear: I had a feeling that I would probably never hear her voice again. I think we both understood that sometimes it's better not to have a conversation at all than to have an ugly one.

The lesson in this? Let common sense prevail over blood. So often, we yield to our family's wishes and desires, just to keep peace, sometimes to our own detriment. We let people push our buttons (or vice versa), even though we know it often ends in resentment. While no one was really harmed in this incident, it certainly was more peaceful for all concerned to just avoid unnecessary confrontation.

When we see something in someone else that we don't like, even in (or especially in) a family member, it is usually a reflection of something deep within that we don't like about ourselves. Rather than fight it, take time to look deeper into the situation to understand where it is really coming from. Perhaps you will see the other person in a new light, even if it is something you really didn't want to see. More importantly, you may discover a lot about yourself!

The law of Karma tells us that what we sow, so shall we reap. The energies we put out are the ones that we get back in return. It isn't punishment. It's just a natural reaction to our choices and actions. When we are unpleasant to others, we are harming ourselves. On the other side of that interaction, we have a choice on what we are willing to receive. Sometimes the choice is obvious, but when we are dealing with family, the obvious choices can sometimes be the most difficult. Sometimes we have to make that choice, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be.

No, we never spoke again, and that's okay. I found out later that she had written me out of her life (literally), and to some extent, I had to do the same, but that's okay. Last year, well into her 80s, she made her way to the great beyond. She had sadness in her life, and a lot of fun, too. We had a lovely celebration of her life - all positive. Despite the unpleasantness of this particular situation, I remind myself that it was just a brief moment in a timeline that spanned more than five decades. I never stopped loving, and I go on with plenty of warm, happy memories of her to keep in my heart, and I only wish her well. Hopefully she did the same for me. God bless her.

God bless us all...

You deserve a break today

The fourth commandment reminds us to "Remember the Sabbath day and treat it as holy." (Exodus 20:8 CEB). The scripture goes into more specifics about which day and how to do it, but I'm not here to preach about reserving Saturday (or Sunday if you prefer) to eschew all work in order to focus on God. The lesson in the Sabbath is not about honoring a specific day, or doing it in any particular way, but you are certainly welcome to live by the ancient advice literally, if you so choose.

The "sabbath" means so much more metaphysically, spiritually, and frankly, physically. The sabbath takes us out of our routine for a while and reminds us that we need to care for ourselves before we can take care of our life and the loved ones around us. And it applies on many different levels. 

Think about how the universe is built. We live on a planet, with a moon revolving around it, and the planet revolving around the sun. This same structure exists on a smaller level: a home serving as a center point for the family that lives in and around it. On an even smaller level, electrons revolving around the nucleus of an atom, and even smaller particles revolving within those. On a grander scale, our sun is part of a galaxy revolving around a central point. Then there are millions of galaxies revolving around some distant point, and perhaps multiple galaxy systems revolving in an even greater universal system. No matter how you look at it, this concept of revolution exists on many scales.

Similarly, our idea of sabbath exists on many scales. The word "sabbath" comes from the Hebrew shabbath, which means "rest." It simply means taking a break. And there are many times in our life when a break is needed. If we are running at full speed all the time, we will wear ourselves out. We naturally need a time of rest in order to stay healthy and focused.

• On the smallest level, it may simply be stepping away from a task for a brief moment to take a deep breath or stretch our muscles, so we can refocus. 
• In an exercise routine or workout, there are specific times to breathe and rest to avoid overworking our body. And when we are finished, there is a cool-down, so we can return more efficiently to our normal, relaxed state.
• During our workday, the law requires us to take certain breaks from our work routine. This gives us a time to step away, nourish ourselves, and renew ourselves for the rest of the day. 
• On a daily basis, we need a certain amount of sleep. Sleep gives our physical body a much-needed break, and actually allows our organs and our mind a chance to process the stress it has experienced during the past day. We wake up a new person. We have new energy, a new outlook, in order to make it through another 16 hours of waking state.
• On a weekly basis, we have our weekends - another opportunity to rest on a larger scale. This most closely resembles the sabbath mentioned in the bible.
• During the year, we take vacations. This gives us rest from our daily work routine, so we can relax and enjoy ourselves without obligation. Not only do we take vacations from work, we also arrange for breaks for children in school - winter break, spring break, summer break. This gives both the children and their teachers the opportunity to process what they have accomplished, and prepares them with renewed focus when school reconvenes.
• In our lifetime, most of us will retire. This is a long-awaited rest from decades of routine associated with a lifetime career (or two!). 

All of these are ways of expressing the sabbath - a time of rest. A time of renewal, repair, reward, rejuvenation. "Keeping it holy" simply means making a commitment to take a little time for yourself and your well-being. Whenever you are working mentally or physically, whether it is your job, school, a specific project, a workout, or anything else, make time to honor the sabbath. Take that breath, that lunch break, that weekend, that vacation, that respite that gives your body, your mind and your spirit a chance to prepare for whatever comes next. 

In this hectic world, there is an ever-increasing expectation to work at 110% capacity in whatever we do. You might feel compelled to work at 110%, but that doesn't mean 100% of the time. Take your sabbath. Keep it "holy." Enjoy that rest, even if for just a moment, and it will be a lot easier to keep that momentum going afterward.

A well-known fast food chain used to have the slogan "You deserve a break today." And you do. Enjoy it!

Blessings...

Watch it!

Social media seems to have made us all into armchair experts on the things going on around us in the world. We see and hear something on TV, in the news, on Twitter or Facebook, and it gets repeated as fact, over and over again by strangers, family, friends. How many times do we see this happen, but we know better, and set out with the determination of a game hunter to correct them? It becomes the battle of will – who has the strongest message, the most compelling point. If only they would just listen!
 
We even think out our strategy: What is the best way to explain it in simple terms so they will understand without getting offended. If I could just get one person to understand, the world would be just a little bit better place!

How frustrating it is when they just don’t get it, even after you’ve wasted valuable time trying to enlighten them! I’m never doing that again! I’m just going to keep my mouth shut and let them make themselves look like idiots! Until the next time someone spews out something ridiculous and ignorant. And so the cycle begins.

Well, occasionally, that effort to be the font of wisdom and the source of all enlightenment backfires. Karma teaches us where the truth really lies, whether we want it or not. Or whether we are expecting it or not!

This lesson is a hard one, and incredibly humbling. Imagine, someone is clearly confused and misguided, and you see that little door open – those four little words: “I just don’t understand…”  Never mind what comes next. It’s a clear cry for help. A desire from within to achieve better insight, and clearly you are up to the job, so you jump in. You understand exactly what it’s all about, so you fly in to the rescue by virtue of your wisdom for having thought it all out already and researched it.

You think hard, and plan your words carefully – that’s it! That’s exactly how I will say it, and she is sure to get it. You have a conversation and it goes very well. After having to explain three different ways, she finally understands where you are coming from, and it makes sense to her. She no longer has anything to complain about. She even thanks you. She has seen the light! And you have achieved your goal. One down and seven billion to go to make the world a better place!

Then someone else questions what you said. You try to explain again, but you just don’t feel like explaining it all over again, so you give the Cliff Notes version. They still aren’t buying it. They question you on something you’re sure you know the answer to, and a little voice inside you tells you to go back and double check your facts. You go back and find out that what you said hadn’t been accurate. You had misread or misinterpreted it. Your heart sinks. You realize that your Nobel prize-winning lecture just became yet another mindless Internet rant!

Dear Lord, now what do I do?! Do I go back and apologize? Oh, how humiliating. Do I just pretend that I never found out the error? Oh my, someone else might read it and think I’m an idiot. Do I go back and try to erase what I wrote on that post? No, it will make her look like she had been having a conversation with herself. What to do!

No matter how confident you are that you “know” the facts of a situation, sometimes it is better to count to ten. Or a hundred, if you have to. Or a thousand if wi-fi isn’t handy. Fact checking has become a valuable tool for people who live in the public eye. It will work for you, too!

Make sure you know what you are talking about before you open your mouth, even figuratively with a keyboard or a pen. Once the words are spoken/typed/read, it’s hard to take them back. And with the powerful dynamic of the “butterfly effect” (or maybe the flu), your words spread far and wide to become the”alternate facts” of people you never met, jeopardizing world peace, and triggering global famine.

We create with our words. Even before they are spoken. Choose your words carefully and make sure they are not causing more harm than good before they are spoken. What would you rather be remembered for?

Blessings…