tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30340828810309387692024-02-18T22:24:55.935-05:00Lessons LearnedSharing the wisdom learned from lifeLessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-91393505250409289122023-09-09T11:53:00.010-04:002023-09-09T12:04:16.675-04:00No matter how much you worry<p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjcoUrdW0CLOD85ncRvA_L2ijN9pIpZpwLglJnaRFSs0e9qznosVioZmWx3icaCumb1mdV47Pp9esV_UObKOoVaa8AH9Z6j7cZkU12bB76aeX10Datq6iPGm-nnoX7HA_FmG1lm9w7AZr3FHNYbiVOQ9QvRzTXEleoNBlcRIvC7psrdv8AQQH3ajNJQnM/s1200/boram-kim-W-wGFm54R-k-unsplash%201200x800.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjcoUrdW0CLOD85ncRvA_L2ijN9pIpZpwLglJnaRFSs0e9qznosVioZmWx3icaCumb1mdV47Pp9esV_UObKOoVaa8AH9Z6j7cZkU12bB76aeX10Datq6iPGm-nnoX7HA_FmG1lm9w7AZr3FHNYbiVOQ9QvRzTXEleoNBlcRIvC7psrdv8AQQH3ajNJQnM/w320-h213/boram-kim-W-wGFm54R-k-unsplash%201200x800.jpg" width="320" /></a>My mom was a worrier. My dad was a worrier. My dad's mother was a worrier. I came by it honestly. I can't say I worry in a fretting, anxious way most of the time. Usually, it's more like I'm overwhelmed by analyzing all of the possibilities.<br /><br />But what does worrying accomplish? While we have a responsibility to understand the possible consequences of our actions, we also have a responsibility to ourselves to avoid being overwhelmed by things that we have no control over. The news, the economy, politics, climate change, conspiracy theories, and rants on social media can pull us into really dark places if we allow it. It's really easy for things to get <a href="https://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2017/11/getting-wrapped-around-axle.html">wrapped around the axle</a>.<br /><br />Worse yet, we can't take responsibility for those things. Yes, we can affect change, but we Can't. Change. Everything.<br /><br />After years of teaching about meditation, stress-reduction, and finding peace in life, I have become a lot better about going down the rabbit hole. But I doubt there is anyone, even a guru who meditates 10 hours a day, who doesn't encounter "too much" sometimes.<br /><br />Since retiring and moving to the mountains, life has become a lot more peaceful. I can usually follow one of my friend's rules of retirement: "One big thing a day." Sometimes it's two or three, but it's nice having the flexibility to set your own schedule and manage things in a calm, methodical way. Especially when you're like me, and tend to overthink things!<br /><br />It has also helped a great deal to turn off the news, and disconnect from social media. Yeah, I miss the connections with my friends, but the stress that comes with it is gone. I just work a little harder to connect in other ways. (Hint: Delete your Facebook app, and keep the Messenger app active - you get all of the connection without all of the fluff that goes with it!)<br /><br />Lately, there have been a number of responsibilities that can't wait. Earlier this week, my "one thing a day" was more like 20 or 30. The building where we teach has been condemned and we needed to move out quickly. We had to find temporary space to have our classes, and we have to find new permanent space to meet. All along dealing with the bureaucracy of eminent domain, and so many vendors wanting to "help." It's a lot to handle on a good day, but the details can be daunting. Cancel this, change that, enroll in something new. Paperwork here, insurance there, appointments, estimates, utilities, taxes, permits, refunds, applications. You get it.<br /><br />It really wasn't what I signed up for, but I know it's necessary in order to achieve the ultimate goal - continuity of my passion. Life works that way sometimes, and we need to be ready for what comes next - whatever that is. Worrying about what <i>might</i> happen doesn't help us. It just makes the tasks we must face more challenging.<br /><br />A wise young woman once said, "Worrying is like praying for something you don't want." Perfect advice that isn't always easy to follow. How much of the "don't want" do I need when I'm trying to finish what I have to do?! But it's easy to forget.<br /><br />One way I work toward keeping an even mind is to remind myself that "all is in Divine order, whether I can see it or not." What is meant to be is what happens, even if it doesn't align with my expectations. If it wasn't meant to be, then it wouldn't have happened, right? Yes, I have a part to play in all of it, and what I say, and do, and think, can change that trajectory, but maybe that's part of the process. Doing it calmly and logically creates much more palatable results, don't you think?<br /><br />Anyway, the lesson is all of this is to keep calm and stay organized. Take life one step at a time. Finish one task before you complete the next, and prioritize them carefully, so you don't run off the rails. No matter how much you worry, something is going to happen, and it usually isn't anywhere near as bad as the imagined possibilities you spent so much time worrying about!<br /><br />I read an article in Time magazine a few years ago that really helped me maintain perspective on this idea. It's written by a guy who defuses bombs for a living, and how he accomplishes his difficult work without losing his cool. It's really inspiring, and a perfect lesson in how to get through the most challenging situations without blowing up. Literally.<br /><br />When you get a chance, read it <a href="https://www.meditate-wnc.org/july-2017-keeping-calm/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a> (includes links to original source articles).<br /><br />I remind myself constantly, "There is nothing in this life you haven't survived." It's a powerful realization that can't be more true. There really is nothing in your life that you haven't survived. You might not have liked the situation, or the journey it took you through, but you survived it. That is an amazing accomplishment. Wear that badge of honor proudly!<br /><br />And next time you are swamped with things you need to deal with, pull out that badge and polish it up. You've got this!<br /><br />Many blessings...</p><p></p>
Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-68122341106778654812023-02-09T23:07:00.007-05:002023-09-09T12:04:07.171-04:00Let it happen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWdqgzwSKmrAYN3FgqCweSQUQ2gdFjoIJQfM7a6mO90a5aJBx7ppDGmwwTNFebIZrCB_nVDNOOWEdahxwwGrtc9RMYjay_35zLATg47c1B7cqLuEOHgqIquNaUg_heQoPIuX4Wq5CqXLcKuKtaon5edLLFXj20bzvbtcv4qgl7PnzyXb8ALvOwpqHG/s1200/viktor-forgacs-iDF0FXUxGhE-unsplash%201200X800.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWdqgzwSKmrAYN3FgqCweSQUQ2gdFjoIJQfM7a6mO90a5aJBx7ppDGmwwTNFebIZrCB_nVDNOOWEdahxwwGrtc9RMYjay_35zLATg47c1B7cqLuEOHgqIquNaUg_heQoPIuX4Wq5CqXLcKuKtaon5edLLFXj20bzvbtcv4qgl7PnzyXb8ALvOwpqHG/w320-h213/viktor-forgacs-iDF0FXUxGhE-unsplash%201200X800.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>No matter how hard you try, you can't stop nature from happening. Today I was doing some painting to repair damage from an old leaky chimney when I got a phone call. My niece's daughters were both frantically trying to call me. They finally called someone else I know who was able to get hold of me.<br /><br />When I called them back, I found the sad news that their mother had passed away after a lengthy illness. I knew it was coming, and with all I've learned about life and death and the continuity of life after death, I still found myself sobbing, even before I got off the phone.<br /><br />To begin with, she is not a blood relative, but a niece by marriage. I have known her almost 40 years, and she is no less family to me (maybe more so) than anyone I am actually related to. We've been through thick and thin, and she's been there for me in the hardest time in my life, even when it seemed like no one else cared. I've been there for her, too.<br /><br />Over the years, she and I, and her kids, and grandkids have grown up together. We spend hours talking on the phone about important things and about nothing. I know her entire family, and she knows most of mine. When I moved to North Carolina, she was one of the few folks who ever bothered to take the 9 hour drive from back home to come visit.<br /><br />I got an email from her just a few days ago to let me know about something. It was just a quick message - nothing that needed a response, but now I feel bad that I didn't call her back. I'll never have that chance now.<br /><br />After some hard tears, I went back to my repair project, and started cleaning up the mess I had made. I thought of a song from back in the 70s: Fire and Rain by James Taylor. Except for the woman's name, the song reflected word for word what I was feeling at that moment. <br /><br />I decided to do something drastic. I reactivated my Facebook account, which had been shut down for the past four months. And I made a post to share the music video of James Taylor singing the song. I wrote the post like a Long Distance Dedication - the kind that Casey Kasem used to read each week on his weekly American Top 40 radio broadcast years ago. <br /><br />It was a perfect way to honor the moment, and give her space to move on to the next phase of her journey. I don't know if or when I will go back and see what kind of response I got. I've <a href="https://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2018/05/saying-goodbye.html">made it very clear</a> that I don't like it when people say, "I'm sorry for your loss." I haven't lost anything. I've gained 40 years of friendship that I wouldn't trade for the world. It isn't my place to be greedy and expect more. This is what I got, and it was perfect, just the way it was.<br /><br />I've written before about <a href="https://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2019/03/making-space-for-death.html">death</a>, and how afraid people are of it. While we are learning to live, we should also learn how to die. Death is not something to be afraid of. It is a natural part of life. In fact, it's the only part of life we can truly count on, so why not embrace its existence and its inevitability, and celebrate it when it happens. <br /><br />I don't know when her celebration will be, but I know it will be joyous, even if we do shed a few tears while we are partying. I've already heard through the grapevine that there will be lots of people invited. We will be enjoying the only life we have, while we have it, while she stands with us to remind us how precious it all is. <br /><br />When it happens, let it happen. Instead of regretting what is no longer possible, be thankful for what was. It's all a gift. Every minute of every day. Tell your loved ones how much you love them. Spend time with them. Enjoy their idiosyncrasies. Eat cake!<br /><br />And when it's time to go, say goodbye gracefully, thankfully, happily. Your loved ones aren't gone. You just don't see them anymore. <br /><br />Many blessings..<br /></div><br /><br /><i><blockquote>Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone<br />Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you<br />I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song<br />I just can't remember who to send it to<br /><br />I've seen fire and I've seen rain<br />I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end<br />I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend<br />But I always thought that I'd see you again<br /><br />Won't you look down upon me, Jesus<br />You've got to help me make a stand<br />You've just got to see me through another day<br />My body's aching and my time is at hand<br />And I won't make it any other way<br /><br />Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain<br />I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end<br />I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend<br />But I always thought that I'd see you again<br /><br />Been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards
the sun<br />Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head
around<br />Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk
about things to come<br />Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground<br /><br />Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain<br />I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end<br />I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend<br />But I always thought that I'd see you baby, one more time
again, now<br />Thought I'd see you one more time again<br />There's just a few things coming my way this time around,
now<br />Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you, fire and rain, now...<br /><br />Lyrics by James Taylor </blockquote><br /></i>
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<![endif]-->Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-71114504582313070112023-01-18T19:06:00.007-05:002023-09-09T12:03:58.041-04:00Be a STAR<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDGiwoqbE4eocj48kZijkhTvkYoQ4z6GZllaFpqXIv1LBS7K5ifwPK-RzkcNu__hu2DzQg-LogtxvmflER9uLB6OmsEmqOiggKqwdUyNLxqg04gX1Z_ScHgLl_5894XHqRpIeZCvopr1TAL5sB6QS7UXvuUPE3D8zQHIZ0Je30rZZ_X6Ef8NzZD233/s977/Diploma%202.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="803" data-original-width="977" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDGiwoqbE4eocj48kZijkhTvkYoQ4z6GZllaFpqXIv1LBS7K5ifwPK-RzkcNu__hu2DzQg-LogtxvmflER9uLB6OmsEmqOiggKqwdUyNLxqg04gX1Z_ScHgLl_5894XHqRpIeZCvopr1TAL5sB6QS7UXvuUPE3D8zQHIZ0Je30rZZ_X6Ef8NzZD233/w320-h262/Diploma%202.png" width="320" /></a>I really did learn something new today. Not in the life-lesson sense that I usually normally write about. I found out that the unconventional way I started and completed my career is actually a thing. More on that later. First, some background. <br /><br />When I graduated from high school, I couldn't afford the university tuition that was needed for my desired career path (I wanted to be a TV meteorologist!), so I ended up going to my local community college. It was a good school, but after a couple of years, I realized that I was just taking classes for the sake of taking classes. And as I began transitioning into real-adulthood, the need to earn an income outweighed the need to take classes, so I got a full-time job. <br /><br />I was a teller at a local savings and loan. Not a great-paying job, but better than I was making in retail or food-service during my school years. And it offered opportunities to learn and grow. That was a special key, that I didn't realize that was handed to me all those years ago. <br /><br />Fast forward almost 40 years, I am a few weeks short of 60, and I've been "<a href="https://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2018/05/it-happened-and-i-survived_1.html">re-tired</a>" for more than 4½ years. I never finished a degree - not even the right credits to get a two-year degree. But contrary to the societal "trajectory" that demands a four-year degree in order to get a decent job, I managed pretty well without it.<br /><br />I worked hard. I learned. I explored. I followed other people's examples. I thought outside "the box." I paid attention to things no one else even noticed. With what is commonly known as on-the-job training, I ended up the number two person at a small bank, in charge of operations, security and compliance. I then moved over to financial technology and was even more successful in product sales support. More successful than I ever imagined.<br /><br />After becoming a teller oh-so-long-ago, virtually every position I held over 35 years was one that "required" a four year degree that I didn't have. But that wasn't part of my personal rule-book, so I steadily pushed ahead toward what I wanted, despite the job market's expectations. It wasn't easy, but my hard work and enthusiasm outweighed that special piece of paper that no one <i>ever </i>asked to see. The one I didn't have.<br /><br />Maybe I'm lucky. Maybe I just had a good ethic that people appreciated. Maybe...well, I could spend all day guessing. The important thing is here I am, and now, what I experienced has become a thing: a STAR.<br /><br />STAR stands for "Skilled Through Alternative Routes." You couldn't describe my career any more concisely. I got the skills I needed without college or any formal training. That's part of why I was able to leave the work force earlier than most people. The lack of college debt gave me a head start on saving for the future. And it worked.<br /><br />I found out about STAR workers in an <a href="https://wapo.st/3IVgxST" target="_blank">editorial</a> in today's issue of The Washington Post. This article talks about how outgoing governor Larry Hogan removed the college degree requirements from half of its 38,000 state jobs. He followed the lead of others who have professed that a college degree (and the huge investment it takes to complete) does not necessarily translate into marketable skills. There's no doubt that having college experience makes a person more well-rounded. I got plenty of rounding in my attempt at college. Just not anything that translates into a career. Apparently there are a lot of other folks in the same boat, and now employers are recognizing that maybe they have spent years overlooking a much larger gene-pool of talent.<br /><br />Even with a degree, some amount of training and orientation are required. Some of the worst managers I have ever known were people who thought they knew exactly how to do their job, and came in and turned everything upside down without understanding what they working with, or what they were destroying in the process. I saw a job posting yesterday for a second-in-command position at a local bank, not unlike the job I once held. The job description enumerated the responsibilities, and then specified that training would be required. Training for an executive position? Unthinkable. And priceless. (And no, I do <u>not</u> want the job!)<br /><br />So the lesson? It doesn't matter what training someone expects of you. If there is something you want to achieve, there is a way to do it, even if it doesn't follow conventional expectations. Your desire, your enthusiasm, and your will to make it happen will take you much farther than an expensive piece of paper with your name on it. Every. time.<br /><br />Blessings...<br />Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-32008674994145024032023-01-02T22:23:00.008-05:002023-09-09T12:03:47.987-04:00Make time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjArn05xDW61aE_dItjXwQKEWF0BI_yCcIfcTA7mfyizZswxYZ_jlbTvZYwyFgLXLNGoQnl2fOtda1rTEJd22VOBeYR47D4NzLUkxOBRDuZFeJsPd8_ZgT_bdTB4ZbT0nHj49qKTfE-Lh0DxMsMHrnHqsz5HQ5nwCZZMpuLS1U1xBvSiD9pf2G3C_MS/s1024/aron-visuals-BXOXnQ26B7o-unsplash%201024px.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjArn05xDW61aE_dItjXwQKEWF0BI_yCcIfcTA7mfyizZswxYZ_jlbTvZYwyFgLXLNGoQnl2fOtda1rTEJd22VOBeYR47D4NzLUkxOBRDuZFeJsPd8_ZgT_bdTB4ZbT0nHj49qKTfE-Lh0DxMsMHrnHqsz5HQ5nwCZZMpuLS1U1xBvSiD9pf2G3C_MS/w320-h213/aron-visuals-BXOXnQ26B7o-unsplash%201024px.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Every week, I do my best to make time for things that I need to do. I have a tendency to be a procrastinator, so scheduling time to deal with life makes sure things get done. Monday tends to be the best day to do these things, because I am almost guaranteed to have the entire afternoon free.<br /><br />Of course, there are the usual things - fixing things around the house, running the Swiffer around, and cutting the grass. One of these tasks that isn't negotiable is walking. As I get older, the more I realize that exercise is what is keeping me alive. It also helps me from putting on the extra pounds I don't need, so since the pandemic, I have been almost religious about walking as much as I can. And it has worked. I feel so much better, and at one point I had lost around 40 pounds from my peak during the lockdown. <br /><br />Unfortunately, winter isn't my friend when it comes to this effort. Cold weather, lots of rain and other less-than-ideal weather make it harder to spend time outdoors. The holidays bring lots of distractions, and unfortunately, lots of tasty food, which makes it even harder to focus on what is needed.<br /><br />But it isn't the holidays causing this. I know it's my mind making excuses. I start finding reasons to do other things, even when there isn't really anything else to do. They call this inertia. The scientific definition of "inertia" is that an object in motion stays in motion; an object at rest stays at rest, unless some outside force acts upon it to change its state from one to the other. My behavior isn't quite that scientific, but it certainly is what I would call inertia. I get moving, and once I establish the habit, I tend to keep moving. If something (usually in my mind) pries me out of that pattern, I find myself taking breaks, which makes it easier to take more breaks.<br /><br />I'm sure we're all wired that way. Some people are better at staying focused than I am, but ultimately, it's my responsibility.<br /><br />So today was Monday, and I had a perfect opportunity to get a good long walk in. Except it was raining. And kind of cold. Just a yucky kind of day. Meanwhile, there were little "honey-do" things eating at my brain, so guess where my mind went? Instead of putting my walking shoes on and walking, I started piddling with the bathroom sink to make it stop (barely) dripping, and to clear the cold water line so the water doesn't trickle slowly out of the faucet - a persistent problem since we moved in more than 8 years ago. <br /><br />Was it wrong to fix the sink? Of course not. It was needed. But did I need to walk? Absolutely. After the holidays, I'm feeling less energetic, which begets more laziness, and my body is yelling at me for not doing something about it. I can feel that I've put a few of those evil pounds back on since Thanksgiving. And it hurts - mentally, and sometimes physically. <br /><br />So what is the lesson? Do what you need to do, even if it isn't convenient. Make time for the important things in your life, which prevents them from being unfinished business. There's only so much time in a day, but there is also time for the not-so-important things, if you try. It's like a sophisicated balancing act, but it can be done, especially if we are spending less time in our head debating, and more time actually doing!<br /><br />I had plenty of time to mess with the sink <u>and</u> go out and walk. Yes it was raining a little. There's nothing in the rule book that says my feet aren't supposed to work when it's not a sunny day! But it didn't happen, and now I feel like I've let myself down. Of course, I'll survive this, and I will do better. I looked at Tuesday's forecast: More rain. I'm going to walk anyway. And so it is!<br /><br />Many blessings...<br /><p></p>Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-42723457242219099882023-01-01T23:26:00.008-05:002023-09-09T12:03:37.816-04:00The little things<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kF2g3mUrXqfpOZREeFPpleX5an8tODlhJMhNPqINDiPXOY3BiXzUwWia2wu7Ri94oqOnTq7dLm9_HfdcpORxl3fJH--DlNviXhTTyaBKaLg1gXMM40qIVdSSS9o97ma8vljxbmh6osn_-poHNoOJlyBB9hyeIaJnGqs8IN0Y7t-gfOEY2acHHlvO/s1024/jan-kahanek-g3O5ZtRk2E4-unsplash%201024px.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kF2g3mUrXqfpOZREeFPpleX5an8tODlhJMhNPqINDiPXOY3BiXzUwWia2wu7Ri94oqOnTq7dLm9_HfdcpORxl3fJH--DlNviXhTTyaBKaLg1gXMM40qIVdSSS9o97ma8vljxbmh6osn_-poHNoOJlyBB9hyeIaJnGqs8IN0Y7t-gfOEY2acHHlvO/w320-h213/jan-kahanek-g3O5ZtRk2E4-unsplash%201024px.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>It's New Year's Day, and a lot of time has passed since the last
installment of this blog. WAY too much time. I guess that's the way life
is. We get so distracted by things that we have to do in our life, we
fail to make time for the things we <i>want</i> to do.<br /><br />As I spent
some time perusing through old posts, I noticed how much I enjoy reading
them. It's almost like someone else wrote them, even though I know they
came out of my head. It's almost scary how much we forget in our life,
despite how much we <i>think</i> we remember.<br /><br />As a teacher, one of
the things I recommend to the people who explore with me is that
writing can increase our awareness of ourselves and how we respond to
the world around us. It creates a little window into a moment in time
that we will otherwise probably forget. If we take time every day to
write about something good that happened, or something we learned, it
can transform the way we see our life. We can look back over time, and
realize all of the growth we've had. Or we can remind ourselves of all
the wonderful moments after they are long forgotten and we are wallowing
in our challenges.<br /><br />So this is the lesson: appreciate the little
things. And a great way to do it: choose a purpose or theme and write
about it. If not every day, at least make an appointment to do it at
least a few times a week. Put it on your calendar. Set a reminder on
your phone. It doesn't have to be long. It might just be slips of paper
you put into a jar or a box, and then pull out at the end of the year to
see how far you have come. It may seem like work, but you will grow to
love it, and trust me: You will appreciate it a year from now, or even
decades from now, when you read what you wrote.<br /><br />I don't believe in <a href="https://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2011/12/a-new-year-new-outlook.html">resolutions</a>,
so don't call it that. Make a commitment. To yourself. Think of it as a
belated Christmas gift, if you can't see it any other way. Get a
notebook. Get a scratch pad. Start an online blog. Whatever works for
you. It's a little thing you can do for yourself, that will help you
remember and appreciate the little things in your life.<br /><br />Blessings...</p>Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-44271659286017678842021-04-29T20:24:00.013-04:002023-09-09T12:03:26.488-04:00Do the right thing<div class="separator"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKiViTWbYQ_f8B7__EDHplVcGE-e1a3GYoahzkdfdAmW73cDU_eqBzS63X4b1yhX-wB6qzQphrZay-MiwovbYx-VkBpT69fop-xeSz6xtQx0TsQLRd2nLlYgOpI9ikoDz__CLHOMJ3Uhs/s779/Fool.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLx1L8wVy88fNYLi1JnakliFgiA6gSaZ0BoCzV68eZDsT-KPKkfLntQBEajglDUvvBpoNay7QZ9wqN9fIGdvYWNkBw957O5MQ02fEpnFpflkvxXkIOkwnTj7-mHMFzp0GUOlBPLmOKu7Q/s1024/steinar-engeland-_2G4EeyeoeA-unsplash+1024x768.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLx1L8wVy88fNYLi1JnakliFgiA6gSaZ0BoCzV68eZDsT-KPKkfLntQBEajglDUvvBpoNay7QZ9wqN9fIGdvYWNkBw957O5MQ02fEpnFpflkvxXkIOkwnTj7-mHMFzp0GUOlBPLmOKu7Q/w320-h240/steinar-engeland-_2G4EeyeoeA-unsplash+1024x768.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Sometimes you just have to do the right thing. During the past year of the coronavirus pandemic, we have been exposed to so much frustration. Frustration from not being able to do "normal," frustration from people not wanting to respect science or other people's safety, frustration from isolation. It happens on so many levels. Yet, somehow, we have managed survive a year of life as we never imagined it. I'm not saying there aren't scars, but it's amazing how resilient we are.<br /></div><br />What we have experienced in this year of navigating social distancing and forced isolation is just a glimpse of just about everything we have ever experienced. We get in a situation. We love it or hate it, and then things move on, with or without us. It's simple, yet we love to fight it, question it, tear it to pieces and staple the remnants to the bulletin board in our memory.<br /><br />One of my big lessons in life is learning to find gratitude and appreciation for the things that don't go the way I would like them to. I can do it. I don't always want to, but I always find a hidden gift if I look hard enough. That's part of why I started this blog - to appreciate the lessons we learn in every experience!<br /><br />I have a tendency to hold ideals about things in my life. If something inspires me, I jump in enthusiastically without looking what's beneath me. But sooner or later, a little bit of reality starts showing through, whether it's a hobby I love, or a person I thought I had respect for, a job I enjoy, or what I've learned on my spiritual path. I certainly know better. I've been burned enough times. Just read the other blog entries, and that becomes painfully clear! Yet still, I jump.<br /><br />Lately, I've been faced with a difficult decision. The veneer I've kept polished on some people and situations that have inspired me has started to wear thin. Some of the underlying flaws are beginning to show, and it's not a pretty sight. Many years of enthusiasm, respect, and frankly, blind trust, are starting to show their age, and they aren't wearing well. A teacher of mine warned me about this years ago. He told me that I was caught up in the excitement of what was going on around me, and sooner or later I would see that it isn't what I thought it was. He certainly was right, and I appreciate him all the more for his wisdom.<br /><br />That doesn't mean I regret what I have experienced. It just means that I have to make a decision to let go of something I have carried a lot of passion about for many years, and more importantly, not take responsibility for other people's [flaws, personalities, arrogance - insert your own trait] that have always been there.<br /><br />Once I do, I will be open to new opportunities, and new excitement will be revived in things that have otherwise become disappointing. I will still love and respect my path, but when it is time for that path to change, change it must, with me or without me. It may be sad. It might be uncomfortable, and maybe even a little painful. But it is time.<br /><br />We all reach that time in our life when change is necessary. It's so easy to hold on to what is familiar, even if it isn't serving our highest good. Sometimes we need to open our eyes and see what the choices really are, and what can come of it when we are brave enough to take that first awkward step.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKiViTWbYQ_f8B7__EDHplVcGE-e1a3GYoahzkdfdAmW73cDU_eqBzS63X4b1yhX-wB6qzQphrZay-MiwovbYx-VkBpT69fop-xeSz6xtQx0TsQLRd2nLlYgOpI9ikoDz__CLHOMJ3Uhs/s779/Fool.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="779" data-original-width="474" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKiViTWbYQ_f8B7__EDHplVcGE-e1a3GYoahzkdfdAmW73cDU_eqBzS63X4b1yhX-wB6qzQphrZay-MiwovbYx-VkBpT69fop-xeSz6xtQx0TsQLRd2nLlYgOpI9ikoDz__CLHOMJ3Uhs/w122-h200/Fool.jpg" width="122" /></a></div>It brings to mind The Fool card in the Tarot deck. The guy on the card is walking along, happy as can be, yet he is approaching a cliff. It could get ugly, but he trusts in his path, and his faith will never let him down. My path won't let me down. And neither will yours.<br /><br />As personal and private as our emotions and experiences can be, we can give ourselves permission to let the people who we love most to be there for us when it happens. Like it or not, they are going through it with us anyway, in some form or another. We are never alone in our challenges!<br /><br />Do the right thing. Not what you want, but what is right - what serves the highest needs of all concerned. It might be difficult to make that choice, and perhaps even more difficult to take the necessary action, but when you do what's right, it's right. And as they say, "as one door closes, another will open." Always.<br /><br />Many blessings... Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-25060556776340170532020-11-24T16:53:00.012-05:002023-09-09T12:03:16.155-04:00The truth will set you free<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhslyFu1wWEgZE6HtStIN49oCiPSZ4RqAu2Bq7NnpwhS1h_V7XN_s7hgbWMdyc5bwItQP8HKQskna8BuJBQSbyg56IeHK3UtMCL54_KJaOHIKVCWJpGZt22i1sIDefhziHsRUfcsH0pSSU/s1200/markus-winkler-yYpmCA32U_M-unsplash+1200x800.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhslyFu1wWEgZE6HtStIN49oCiPSZ4RqAu2Bq7NnpwhS1h_V7XN_s7hgbWMdyc5bwItQP8HKQskna8BuJBQSbyg56IeHK3UtMCL54_KJaOHIKVCWJpGZt22i1sIDefhziHsRUfcsH0pSSU/w320-h213/markus-winkler-yYpmCA32U_M-unsplash+1200x800.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>For several weeks now, I have had a persistent, nagging thought: "Truth is more than what comes out of someone else's mouth." And then I think how wonderful it would be if everyone felt this way. <br />
<br />
The evolution of American culture in the third decade of the third millennium has really started to get to folks. It's getting to where it's hard to tell what to believe anymore. That, fueled with the popular acceptance that if something isn't 100% true, it must be 100% false, and people in positions of influence spreading what has come to be known as "fake news," it's even harder to discern the truth from fiction.<br />
<br />
Honestly, it seems like we have gotten to the point where if someone tells a lie enough times, it somehow becomes true. That is disturbing to me.<br />
<br />
I met with a group of like-minded folks a couple of weeks ago, and we got into a discussion about what "truth" really is. It's not like truth comes with an official Certificate of Authenticity that we can verify. We still might not trust it, even if it did!<br />
<br />
Some might say that "truth" is what we believe. And on some level, this might be accurate, because what we believe becomes "true" to us. Yet it's easy to believe things that aren't true, especially if we heard it from a source we trust.<br />
<br />
To me, there is only one truth: that which is. Truth is governed by the natural laws of the universe and cannot be changed. Part of our journey in this earthly life is to discover that truth.<br />
<br />
Some people say that Earth is school. Our spirit comes here to learn everything it can in a body whose slate has pretty much been wiped clean at birth. Then we start filling up on knowledge and experience, which leads to an understanding of truth.<br />
<br />
I tend to think it's the other way around. I think we learn the concepts of everything there is to know before we ever get here, and then our earthly life is spent seeking understanding of those concepts. Kind of like when you graduate from high school or college. You've learned a lot, but you don't necessarily know how to use it. To me, our earthly purpose is to gain practical experience. And that helps us understand the truth we already know deep within our soul.<br />
<br />
But how do we find truth, especially when there seem to be so many versions of it around us? One of my teachers had it boiled down to one word: discernment. As we grow and experience things in life, we gain discernment - the ability to separate the wheat from the chaffe, so to speak. Taking time to understand what is going on and why, and then using the power of reasoning and intuition to distinguish what is real from what is hype, so we can focus our energies in the most productive ways.<br />
<br />
We discern things all the time. Sometimes our patterns of reasoning need a little work, but we do it. More often, we don't. We just trust.<br />
<br />
It is said that science is a quest for the truth. Some would say religion is, too. I would argue that science takes assumptions and tests them. Religion tends to take tests and makes assumptions about them, but the process is similar, and they complement each other. We need to examine what we experience, and find meaning for ourselves. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. But we also have to trust that we will make it through, even if we don't figure it out. Ultimately, we'll get there one way or another, in this life or the next!<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, don't get too wrapped up in the idea of what truth really is, because it just is, whether we believe it or not. Take time to contemplate on life, on a regular basis. Ask yourself, and the higher power that expresses in, around, and through you, what is for your highest good - not what you want, but what is best for you. And for your family. And for your community. And for your country. And for your world.<br />
<br />
Former vice president Al Gore produced a movie a few years ago called, "An Inconvenient Truth." Truth is rarely convenient. That doesn't mean we can't work with it. The more we're willing to work with truth, the less we'll find ourselves fighting against it. And each other!<br />
<br />
Many blessings... </p>Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-29074106939716604472020-05-29T23:57:00.003-04:002023-09-09T12:03:06.059-04:00Alone...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-pq7T0_ELkzgLoZewAvbl5iSVlBhjF5nLemdpJAjSyQZFRZGa72QJI33FUACIN_hnMozW6I0xvZGfoBADRIQ2gCyLK7sZgJG-O375WLdEAxAbB2aEUkASFp6GBwT6sxsPBYpICvF2nIE/s1600/alone-in-the-snow-1528107-1279x892.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="892" data-original-width="1279" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-pq7T0_ELkzgLoZewAvbl5iSVlBhjF5nLemdpJAjSyQZFRZGa72QJI33FUACIN_hnMozW6I0xvZGfoBADRIQ2gCyLK7sZgJG-O375WLdEAxAbB2aEUkASFp6GBwT6sxsPBYpICvF2nIE/w320-h222/alone-in-the-snow-1528107-1279x892.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
(TLDR: Read it anyway. It's that important.)<br />
<br />
I feel alone right now. Perhaps more alone than I have ever felt. Or at least in a way I have never experienced. As I have sat in tearful contemplation today, I learned a little bit more about humanity - a difficult little piece of humanity that is sometimes hard for many of my fellow citizens who look like me to relate to because we've never had to worry about experiencing anything like what we have seen in the news this week.<br />
<br />
It is horrific enough to imagine being suffocated by the heavy knee of a police officer, relentlessly pushing down on your neck. It is even harder to watch the entire thing playing out on television. It is even more horrific to think about the reaction of the protesters, who lost control and destroyed a neighborhood because of it.<br />
<br />
I was fortunate. I grew up in a diverse area, and as kids, all different shapes, sizes and colors, we saw each other as being the same - just kids. Yeah, we all look a little different, and our talents, abilities and resources varied, but we were just kids, and we didn't think otherwise. This attitude stuck with me through adulthood. Now living in a not-very-diverse place, I miss the cornucopia of languages, colors, cultures that made my former home such a vibrant place, and which sadly, has had the opposite effect on many other former neighbors who miss the way it "used to be."<br />
<br />
Past generations, even my grandparents, saw the world through different eyes, in some cases because they were subject to a different kind of persecution based on their religious beliefs or what country they immigrated from. But for the most part, they blended in because they looked like most everyone else in their neighborhoods. One set of grandparents contributed to "white flight" - fear of the black folks moving into the neighborhood - by moving from the city to the suburbs. My other grandparents and their pale-skinned peers were presumed to be "superior," and people of color stepped aside when they walked by. Yes, one could argue that it was simply the culture back then, but it makes it no less foreign, strange or inappropriate to me. My parents, maybe because of their observations, chose not to be that way, and taught us to appreciate people for the people they are, not what they look like. I was lucky that way.<br />
<br />
Among the friends I had, I never knew anyone who was visibly treated differently. Maybe it happened and they hid it. Maybe I was just too disillusioned to believe that it could happen. Or just too happy-go-luck to notice that others didn't experience life the way I did. Maybe that's where a lot of us are in our privilege. It obviously happens - way too much, but it when folks don't have to worry about such things, it's easy to pretend it isn't real, or worse, to not care that it is happening because it doesn't affect them directly.<br />
<br />
In my contemplation today, I was reminded of an episode in my life some 30 years ago. It was one of the first examples of racial profiling I had observed personally. Pretty tame compared to some of our modern examples, but no less upsetting. I remember it like it was yesterday. A friend and I were shopping at Woodward & Lothrop, a higher-end DC area department store that has long since closed. This is something we did regularly. It was wintertime, so we were wearing cold-weather coats, and we were browsing through the housewares section.<br />
<br />
We had wandered to different areas of the department when I looked up and noticed two men following my friend (who happened to have darker skin than I) everywhere he went. He was totally absorbed in what he was doing, and had no idea he was being followed. As we walked through another department, the store detectives continued in their silent pursuit. I told him, in a voice loud enough that the two men could hear me, "Do you realize those men are following you around the store?" He was clueless. In disbelief, he stopped, turned around, saw them and asked, "Are you following me?" They simply said yes, like it was a completely normal and appropriate thing to do, explaining that it was just their job. I wasn't quite so polite - not to the point of getting kicked out of the store, but I made it clear in no uncertain terms that it wasn't acceptable. At least they apologized. <br />
<br />
Here we were at a store where he spent WAY too much money on a regular basis, yet he was deemed to need special observation because of his appearance. They couldn't have cared less about me. They
had pegged the black guy. I was infuriated. If I hadn't had my wits about me, it wouldn't have taken much to push me over the edge and start knocking things over and smashing them.<br />
<br />
What triggered this memory was some comments I saw today on social media about how horrible the people were to riot and burn down stores, and how "those people" have been "waiting for years" for the opportunity to do that. And that's when the contemplation started. Yes we are human, and we think of ourselves as being too sophisticated to stoop to that level, but are we? We are animals, born with "fight or flight" instincts that drive us to do extreme things when our adrenaline starts to rush. No, they weren't "waiting" to pillage a retail business. They were caught up in a tense, angry moment that got out of control.<br />
<br />
Think about the incident at the department store. Yes, I was mad enough to start quickly expediting merchandise toward the floor. But, I didn't. I wasn't angry enough to boil over. But what if I had spent my whole life living under a microscope of suspicion and doubt? My reaction might have been a little more pronounced, maybe not justified, but at least understandable. It's not that I really <i>wanted </i>to harm anything, but sometimes when you are overwhelmed by a circumstance, something "clicks" and any sense of caution gets tossed aside.<br />
<br />
When you are already upset about something, and then you find yourself around thousands of people who are as passionate as you are, it doesn't take much for something even more passion-inducing (like feeling threatened or duped) to push one person over the edge, then another, until the whole crowd is doing irrational things they would never dream of doing under normal circumstances. Before anyone can react to it, a peaceful protest becomes a riot.<br />
<br />
That is what is called "mob mentality." It's the same thing that makes an entire flock of birds take off at the same time when one bird decides it's time to leave, or that causes people to not want to get involved when something bad happens. No one wants to be the "bad guy" unless everyone else is being bad, then they don't want to be the "odd man out." There is psychological comfort and safety of sorts when you stay with the pack and follow it, because you don't know what threat may lie beyond it. It is wired into our DNA. It's not okay, but it's who we are.<br />
<br />
I can hear you thinking, "I could never do something like that. I'm far too mature and level-headed to ever get pulled into that kind of chaos." The truth is, you have no way of knowing how you will react until you are there. Based on typical patterns of human behavior, we are far more likely to get pulled into the energy of a crowd than to be scared off by it. Think of how hard it is to be the only person to skip that one piece of cake when you are trying to lose weight. Or to turn down that juicy hamburger at a cookout when you know your cholesterol is through the roof. You convince yourself it's okay "just this once," even though it's completely contradictory to your goals, especially if everyone else is enjoying it. As frustrating and simple as that is, the same principle applies to resisting a crowd of people who are just as upset as you are. Some maybe more. You have a common bond - they are your brethren, and brothers and sisters stick together, right? You surely would be surprised at what you are capable of doing when your time comes to snap.<br />
<br />
The good news is this dynamic can also be used in a positive way. The more love and compassion we put into a situation, the more peace we will find in it, even if it isn't ideal. Look at how the world came together in a rare moment of kindness after the 9/11 attacks. It is possible. <br />
<br />
If you have never been subjected to mistreatment or injustice, you should be thankful. There are so many others who live with these things, or at least the threat of them, every single day of their lives. It's not just one incident - it is the accumulation of lifetimes and generations of being treated as "less than." If you had experienced this kind of life, your perspective would be a lot different. You would be all the more affected every single time something bad happens...again...today.<br />
<br />
As I thought about this, the lesson really sank in. If I get tired of seeing stuff like this on the news, I can turn off the TV and my life is perfectly safe. There are people in our country who live this every day. It is their life. Every. Single. Day. They can't "turn it off" because there is nothing to turn to. No, they don't like it or want it any more than you would, but they have lost hope. Most of us have never had to worry about losing hope, because our circumstances haven't been bad enough to need to worry about having hope, much less losing it. If that doesn't help you understand what "white privilege" is, you need to think on it a lot more. Now.<br />
<br />
As the old newspaper slogan used to say, "If you don't get it, you don't get it." Well, this week, I got it more than I ever thought I had "gotten it" before. I can't turn it off. It's in my consciousness and there is no escape from its truth. Injustice is still injustice, whether it happens to me, or whether I see it, or not.<br />
<br />
And here's where we have a chance to make a difference.<br />
<br />
Just like what I alone observed in that department store, sometimes an observer might have a point of view that reveals things that no one else realizes is happening until it's too late. Someone knew those police officers had a tendency to use brutality, and chose to ignore it. Someone saw George Floyd being reported to the police, and chose to say nothing. Someone saw him being treated unfairly, and just watched. Someone saw the police pinning him down with excessive force, and said nothing. Someone heard his cries to breathe, and no one came to his rescue. There were people standing all around watching, yet still he died. Someone knew the community was angry about what happened, but didn't offer enough encouragement for them to find hope for justice. These people have been disappointed too many times to believe much of anything anymore. So that's where they - and as part of the same family, <u>we</u> - are.<br />
<br />
I feel the isolation of George Floyd. I feel the helplessness of knowing there isn't a damn thing he could do without someone else coming to the rescue. I feel his suffocation as he gasped for breath. I feel the darkness as life was crushed out of his body by the cruelty around him. Alone.<br />
<br />
Just.<br />
<br />
Alone.<br />
<br />
If you see a wrong, you have an opportunity to act - to do what you can to correct it. Every effort, no matter how small, makes a difference. As easy as it has become for people not to "get involved," mistreatment of humans, or any living creature, is never "someone else's problem." It is <i>our </i>problem, because we <i>are </i>humanity. No life is so expendable that it justifies what has happened this week and so many times before. No, you can't solve all the world's problems, but you can work on the ones you see.<br />
<br />
As Malcolm X said, and I repeat it often, "If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem." It doesn't matter what color skin you have, or what neighborhood you live in, or how much money you may or may not have. It is your problem, too.<br />
<br />
Will you hide behind your privilege, in whatever form that comes, or will you be a part of the solution? As the saying goes, be the change we want (and need) to see. <br />
<br />
I close by sharing something else I saw on social media today, which brought me to tears after my day of reckoning. I won't comment, because it speaks volumes I could never find the words for, except: God bless the person who took time to write it, and the angel who shared it so I could see it:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I have privilege as a white person because I can do all of these things without thinking twice about it...</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I can go birding (#ChristianCooper).<br />
I can go jogging (#AmaudArbery).<br />
I can relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean and #AtatianaJefferson).<br />
I can ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell and #RenishaMcBride).<br />
I can have a cellphone (#StephonClark).<br />
I can leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).<br />
I can play loud music (#JordanDavis).<br />
I can sell CD's (#AltonSterling).<br />
I can sleep (#AiyanaJones)<br />
I can walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).<br />
I can play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).<br />
I can go to church (#Charleston9).<br />
I can walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).<br />
I can hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).<br />
I can party on New Years (#OscarGrant).<br />
I can get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland).<br />
I can lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).<br />
I can break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).<br />
I can shop at Walmart (#JohnCrawford) .<br />
I can have a disabled vehicle (#TerrenceCrutcher).<br />
I can read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).<br />
I can be a 10-year-old walking with our grandfather (#CliffordGlover).<br />
I can decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).<br />
I can ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).<br />
I can cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).<br />
I can take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).<br />
I can run (#WalterScott).<br />
I can breathe (#EricGarner).<br />
I can live (#FreddieGray).<br />
I can be arrested without the fear of being murdered. (#GeorgeFloyd)</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
White privilege is real. Take a minute to consider a black person’s experience today.<br />
#BlackLivesMatter</blockquote>
<br />
Many blessings of peace and comfort, not only to you, but to all of the families who have been affected by mistreatment, violence and injustice of any kind, this week, or throughout eternity. May I never have to write about something like this again.<br />
<br />
Peace. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
<br />
<br /></blockquote>
<br />Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-7998721670230011932019-03-18T11:43:00.001-04:002023-09-09T12:02:51.559-04:00Making space for death<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A few people I have known have chosen to step out of their bodies this week. Neither was anything I was anticipating. It can be shocking enough when one person you know dies suddenly, but when it happens in sets, it makes you think a little harder about what life is all about, and what role we have in its timespan.<br />
<br />
I know some people say that death happens in "threes": when three people you know will die within a short period of time. While our analytical minds tend to notice patterns like these, we lose track of the fact that people die every second of every day. As one friend puts it, we all have an expiration date, and we don't know when that time will come, but it always comes. We just tend to notice it more when it happens to someone we know (or know of). And no, it didn't happen in threes this time.<br />
<br />
This is just an example of how we tend to be superstitious about death. Another is pretending it won't happen. It's almost as if we talk about it, it will cause it to happen. That is not true. We leave when it is time, and not a moment sooner!<br />
<br />
One of my favorite cousins was one of the people who stepped out this past week. My reaction surprised me. I found myself crying. That might not sound unusual, but I don't usually shed tears over someone's transition into the next world. I have always seen it as a natural part of life, but this time, it seemed different. I cried more than I did when my own parents died. But then I thought about it...<br />
<br />
She is 50 years old, with a husband and 11-year-old twins. She had a fulfilling, rewarding career. She has successfully battled several illnesses, including cancer. But then new cancer came. I knew she had been sick again, but this was unexpected. And it wasn't the cancer that killed her. It was the treatment, and how her body responded to it. A beautiful life suddenly ending, leaving a family stunned by sudden change. That is why I cried.<br />
<br />
I suppose we all go through this at some point in our life. It is part of the grieving process. I suppose in my own experience, most of the people I have known had a decline before death came, giving me a chance to grieve and accept the inevitable in advance. In some cases, like both of my parents, it was clearly time, and <a href="https://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2018/05/saying-goodbye.html" target="_blank">it was okay</a>.<br />
<br />
Throughout my life, I have reminded myself that death is a natural part of life. I see beauty in death, when it follows a meaningful life. It is a gift, a reward of sorts, for a life well-lived. This is something that we all come to deal with eventually, either through the circumstances around us, or in our own experience when that time comes for us. <br />
<br />
The lesson is this is that we cannot change the inevitable. We can fight it, and make ourselves miserable, or we can embrace it, and see it for the reality that it is. It doesn't mean we aren't sad when someone decides to leave (and I do believe we have a decision in our exit, even when it happens suddenly, or in an unpleasant way). We come to this life to serve a purpose, and when that purpose is done, we move on. In some cases, it is the act of moving on which serves as the lesson in itself.<br />
<br />
Death teaches us how strong and resilient we can be. It reminds us how precious life is, and how we should make the best use of every moment, because we never know when that expiration date is going to come up. If you are living the best life you possibly can, be proud. If you aren't, now is the only time you have to change it, so make it good, even when things don't seem so good around you.<br />
<br />
Make space in your life for death. Allow it to happen gracefully, whether it is someone you love, or yourself. It will happen. That is guaranteed. You can choose to punish yourself over something that cannot be stopped, or you can give yourself permission to allow it to happen when the time comes. It may not be what we want, but it will change your perspective when it happens. <br />
<br />
Just as importantly, don't be sad for the person who died. Find a way to be happy for them. No matter what their circumstances were when it happened, those circumstances no longer exist. Your loved one is safe, happy and free from pain, fear, or anything else their human body might have experienced. And don't be sad for the people left behind. They will be okay too. That is the time to be near them, to show your love and support, and to give them (and yourself!) the encouragement and space to find their way. <br />
<br />
It isn't about sadness. Yes, sadness may come, but that doesn't mean you have to be <i>unhappy</i>. There is a difference. The process of death is about love. Find reasons to celebrate a life well-lived, and share your love in any way you can. (Love you, E... and A, too!)<br />
<br />
Many blessings...Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-8137703142928537062019-03-17T23:39:00.003-04:002023-09-09T12:02:42.098-04:00Dis-covering the truth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Watch out, we're going deep today!<br />
<br />
I was thinking one day about all of the inventions that have ever been created. Such imagination and inspiration are needed to create something from a thought, and it is amazing what our thoughts have created over the millennia. I have previously mentioned that everything we have ever experienced or seen began with a thought - a thought by a person, or a thought by Divine Mind, or God, or however you perceive the Source of all that is. The idea had to come from somewhere. While I admire this imagination, I also contemplate the concept that everything that will ever be invented already exists. This is a challenging idea to wrap your head around, but maybe there is truth in it. Crazy? Maybe not.<br />
<br />
These ideas led me to an even deeper thought - about "discovery." We hear about how Columbus discovered America, and how scientists have discovered a vaccination or a medication to cure a disease, but what does "discover" really mean? If you break down the word, you have a prefix "dis-" and a verb "cover." "Dis-" means "opposite of," and "cover" means to hide from sight or to conceal. Put them together, and you create a word that means the opposite of conceal: to "uncover" or to "reveal."<br />
<br />
Now look at it in the context of what we typically know as a "discovery." We typically use the word to represent something new that was not previously known or apparent. In our minds, a "discovery" is a brand new concept never thought of before - an invention of sorts. But is it really new, or are we just newly aware of it?<br />
<br />
Think about the "discovery" of America. Christopher Columbus didn't discover America. The Vikings didn't discover America. Ponce de Leon didn't discover America. America was already there, and already inhabited by human life long before any explorer came close to approaching the American continents. But the awareness of this place to outsiders was simply unknown. Someone, on several occasions, simply stumbled across it during their adventures. They didn't discover anything, at least not in the way we typically associate the word.<br />
<br />
They dis-covered a place that was previously unknown to the people of Europe and Asia, uncovering the knowledge which was <u>revealed</u> to them through their efforts. The same goes for medical discoveries, technological discoveries, or anything else that has been new to our human awareness. These things were not created from nothing. They were created through an idea - a thought, which <u>revealed</u> the possibility, which then manifested through a creative process beginning with the person whose thought inspired the idea.<br />
<br />
Were these ideas truly out of the blue, or was the potential for them always there, waiting for someone to "dis-cover" them? This is not an easy question to answer. Our ego minds like to think that our human minds are the source of our creative ideas, but wasn't the ability for that idea to manifest always there, just waiting for someone to figure it out? Maybe that is the case with all things.<br />
<br />
The Universe is designed to work a specific way, governed by the laws of nature, regardless of whether or not we understand those laws and how they work. In that regard, the possibility for something to exist within the realm of natural law has always existed, simply waiting to be revealed by the creative mind of someone who finally realized it was possible!<br />
<br />
Did iPads exist in ancient Egypt? Was a cure for polio around in pre-Columbian South America? In a way, yes! Those specific physical manifestations did not yet exist, but the possibility for them to exist certainly did, or they would not exist now. It just took us a long time to realize it!<br />
<br />
Think of all of the things that we as humans have yet to learn about, and even things that we see today, which we can't really explain. You still can't explain to me how there are countless conversations and pictures randomly floating around us on radio waves, but somehow each individual message or image finds the right device to display it in a way that our human mind can discern them from all of the other billions of messages that aren't meant for us. Honestly, I'm not sure anyone can really explain it, only that scientists have "dis-covered" that it is possible, and found a way to make it work for the purposes we need. There is so much more yet to be revealed.<br />
<br />
One of my favorite sayings is, "Mind activates Principle, which produces Results." In the book<i> Psychogenesis: Everything Begins in Mind</i>, Jack Addington devotes chapters to the heart of this concept: that everything begins with a thought. This is the truth of the Universe. What isn't known is where that thought originates. Maybe everything that will ever be thought has always existed from the beginning, and we are just connecting with that vast source of knowledge. Maybe there are helpers: guardian angels, spirit guides, the whisper of God - whatever terminology you prefer - to help us connect the dots before we even realize the dots are there. Or maybe we really are coming up with ideas from our own sheer will.<br />
<br />
Even if ideas aren't coming from our own mind, does this mean we don't have a part in that process of creation? Of course not. Without our own curiosity, imagination, creativity, and perseverance, we simply wouldn't care, and nothing would come of it. To me, it's like our mind is the car, and the knowledge of the universe is the gasoline that helps it run. We still have a part in putting the gasoline in the car, or it won't go anywhere. It is this process of acting as co-creator with the Universe that leads us to dis-cover the things that were previously unknown.<br />
<br />
So the lesson in all of this? Never doubt your ideas. Everything you have ever experienced, seen, heard or felt began with a thought. Your thoughts are no more or less valid than anyone else's, so who's to say that it isn't in your path to dis-cover something amazing? I will close with a thought to ponder, which I shared on social media several years ago: "You don't need potential. Potential depends on the future. You have everything you have ever needed. Right now. Do something with it. Today!"<br />
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What are you dis-covering today? You will be amazed at what will be revealed! </div>
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Many blessings...</div>
<u></u><u></u><u></u><u></u><i></i><i></i><i></i><br />Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-68380860148287654782018-05-06T12:10:00.000-04:002018-05-07T09:25:00.228-04:00Saying goodbye...<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJW8XF2ZBA5zwZnELtzb0a5fcLHykmx46-IiwasWxoBSAzjktaa_tQMrK_NTh5mKx65kqZ2M9kmmTTC3rlcAIUv2WWgq6HnDA5PEb1pnQBFDbvYKcVbdxoZAf69fF376zGNxMFwFLxDzE/s1600/DAD_1929.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJW8XF2ZBA5zwZnELtzb0a5fcLHykmx46-IiwasWxoBSAzjktaa_tQMrK_NTh5mKx65kqZ2M9kmmTTC3rlcAIUv2WWgq6HnDA5PEb1pnQBFDbvYKcVbdxoZAf69fF376zGNxMFwFLxDzE/s320/DAD_1929.JPG" /></a><i>"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." - Benjamin Franklin</i></blockquote>
There comes a time in life when one must say goodbye, and today is my day to say goodbye to my father. <a href="http://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2018/05/it-happened-and-i-survived_1.html">Last week</a>, I wrote about "re-tiring:" saying goodbye to my 35-year career and 40 years of active employment. By necessity, my focus immediately turned to my family.<br />
<br />
My dad turned 91 this year, and he has been battling several forms of cancer, namely prostate, on and off for nearly 20 years. His health has been kind of a roller-coaster ride, but he has been amazingly resilient. During one round of chemo a few years back, he was up on a ladder building a roof over the patio of his house! And then he built a sunroom underneath of it. And a brick patio around that! He used self-hypnosis and the power of thought to change his experience. He could have felt sorry for himself, but he chose to make the most of his days. <br />
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In and out of health issues, and for much of his life, he has been creating art from wood that he has carved or turned on a lathe. His deep sense of creativity and his fascination with math, physics and science have inspired some truly amazing pieces, some of which are on display in public buildings in both Maryland and Texas, and most of which would never have happened had he just given up.<br />
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As I was preparing for my last day at work last week, I got a call that my father wasn't doing well. Having the freedom to do so (perfect timing), I hopped on a plane to see him for a few days. It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did. Seeing him so weak, and fighting physical therapy, I just wished there was something I could do to protect him from his physical limitations. His cardiologist put him back in the hospital for tests. Getting more oxygen really perked him up. He didn't eat all week, but he was joking around and being more himself again. But since he wasn't eating, it wasn't hard to see where things might be going. <br />
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On Friday, I had a chance to talk with him alone, and we had a wonderful visit. Something we hadn't had a chance to do face-to-face for several years. I let him know that no matter what happened, I love him, and I respect his choice, either to stay and fight, or to let go. He looked at me in the eye and said, "I understand your concerns. I want to make it." When I gave him a hug and said goodbye, he held on tight and told me, "I love you so very, very much." I knew it was probably the last time I would see him. I spent time talking with his wife, the lovely mother-figure in my life, and made sure she is prepared for what is to come. All things considered, we're all in the best place we can be.<br />
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That evening I prepared for my trip home, and Saturday provided a lot of time to think while I was flying and driving back to our little paradise here in the mountains. Early this morning the call came. He was finally free from his physical constraints. He "made it," though not necessarily in the way that he had meant it.<br />
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Now I know many people would immediately respond, "Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss." This has always been a pet peeve, because we didn't lose anything, except some physical presence and a tired old worn-out body that wasn't serving anyone very well. He is still here with us, and I am happy. I am happy that my dad had such a long, happy life, despite his health challenges. I'm so glad he had his lovely wife, caring, nurturing and encouraging him for the past 35 years. I am glad that we have been able to build an adult relationship of respect and enjoyment after some tumultuous times in years past. I am happy that he is no longer encumbered by his frail, aching body. He is free. How could I be anything but happy? Yes, we will miss him, and yes, we will cry. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be happy.<br />
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Sooner or later, we all have to give up our physical bodies. It is such a natural part of our life, yet we fight it as if we can somehow go to the permitting department and negotiate a special exception for ourselves, or for the ones we love. Then we are all the more disappointed when the "get-out-of-death-free" certificate doesn't get approved. Death is just as beautiful as birth. It's just happening in the opposite direction. It doesn't have to be a sad occasion. The circumstances might be disappointing, or in some cases, unexpected or tragic, but death itself is freedom. <br />
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As I was watching my father's experience, it occurred to me that our body is in a constant state of dying. As soon as we finish a meal, our body digests the food, and the process of dying begins. Fortunately, a healthy body tells us something is wrong, triggering hunger and thirst, which inspires us to eat and drink. By re-nourishing ourselves, our body resets itself, starting the dying process all over again. Sooner or later, our body can't handle the constant cycle anymore and it wears out. It happens to every living thing in this universe.<br />
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So what is the lesson? Don't be "sorry for someone's loss" when a loved one makes a transition from this journey we call life. A life is nothing to be sorry for, and neither is death, which is a natural part of life. Take a moment to honor the person who has taken a brave step into the next realm. Use words that give comfort that don't include "I" or "me." Use words that give thanks and gratitude for a life well-lived, even if it didn't turn out the way you might have wanted it to. Life is too precious to be "sorry."<br />
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Embrace life, even in death. Allow death to happen, and appreciate its beauty and serenity, no matter when or how it happens. And encourage the people you care about to do the same. Most importantly, make the best use of the time you have. You're perfectly welcome to spend your time fighting and resenting nature, but that just steals what precious time you have to enjoy and appreciate the life around you to its fullest! <br />
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It's okay to say goodbye. We all have to do it in many ways throughout our life, and we always survive it. We survive this, too, and so do our loved ones who say goodbye to us. <br />
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Bye, Dad. Thanks for all you have taught me, right up to the very last day. See you when I get there.<br />
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Many blessings...<br />
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Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-15062540721600132312018-05-01T12:10:00.002-04:002023-09-09T12:02:28.963-04:00It happened, and I survived<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In my <a href="http://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2018/02/leap-of-faith.html">last post</a> a couple of months ago, I wrote about letting go and trusting in yourself, no matter what happens. As I got my thoughts together about the prospect of retirement, which I had already decided to do at that point, I started preparing a letter to let the people who had been there for me during my career know how much I appreciate them, and to share with them the wisdom my 40-year career has taught me.<br />
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Well, today was the day, and I survived it. I hit that "send" button at 8:18 this morning, and I almost cried as I clicked the mouse. Even after six months of planning, that one tiny "click" made it real. The sun will set tonight and rise again tomorrow, and I'll still be here, getting ready to start my day, just in a different way.<br />
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Recently, an acquaintance used a term that resonated well with me. She calls it "re-tiring," like getting new tires for a long trip. That works for me. My other go-to "r" word was "reprioritizing," because I'm not retiring. I'm doing something different.
So what advice did this newly re-tired person share this morning?
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<ol>
<li><b>Above all else, never, EVER become a slave to your job</b>. Leave work at the end of the workday, and more importantly, leave work at work as much as you can. If you aren’t nurturing and enjoying the life your job supports, why are you doing it?</li>
<li><b>Never let your job</b> (or your title, your paycheck, your house, etc.) <b>define who you are</b>. You are so much more than what you do. Material things are nice to have, but if you can’t find happiness and contentment without them, you might be looking in the wrong place. </li>
<li>As don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements (Read it!), “<b>Always do your best</b>” - whatever your best is at any given time. You can’t always give 110% of yourself, and certainly not 110% of the time. Be realistic, be honest, be fair, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. </li>
<li><b>No one is indispensable</b>. If your life (job/family/children/community/social media) can’t function without you, you’re either doing something wrong, or doing it for the wrong reason. The things we worry about are usually a lot less significant than we give them credit for. Let. It. Go.</li>
<li><b>Enjoy what you do</b>. If you don’t like your job, you won’t be happy the other half of your day, either. It won’t always be perfect, but make the best of what you’ve got, or find something better. You deserve it! </li>
<li><b>Don’t be afraid of change</b>. Change can be intimidating, but it’s how we expand our horizons. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone. The biggest changes (even the ones we don’t like) can lead to the most unexpected and rewarding opportunities. Take a leap of faith and trust in yourself!</li>
</ol>
I have covered much of this wisdom in other blog posts, but somehow, seeing it all together reminds me how much I have grown and expanded since I first started working in 10th grade. It's been a long journey, and still, there is another path continuing ahead, so it isn't over. It isn't good-bye. It's just a change in energy, a change in focus. And believe it or not, that new journey started almost 7 years ago, which inspired me to start this blog.
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<i>Yesterday is a cancelled check. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is the only cash you have, so spend it wisely! - Kay Lyons</i>
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Many blessings...Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-49596062551746560222018-02-19T18:49:00.002-05:002023-09-09T12:02:21.217-04:00Leap of faith<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Did you ever notice how similar the words "change" and "challenge" are? I don't believe in coincidences, but maybe there is a reason why they are so similar. I think it's in our nature to resist change, because it goes against our innate desire to be safe and comfortable, which causes us to see the change in our life as being challenging.<br />
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Even small changes (like switching actors for Darren on Bewitched) can be unsettling. Absorbing bigger changes can be life-shattering. Anything from deciding what color to paint the living room to the death of a loved one, "springing forward" and "falling back" once a year, or choosing something you've never eaten at your favorite restaurant, or deciding to take a job in another city (or another job at all!) can be disturbing and disruptive. But one thing in life (besides death) that is guaranteed, is change.<br />
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Take retirement. I got my first job as a teenager, longer ago than I care to admit, and except for taking the summer off after I graduated from high school, I've been working ever since. I've been in the same industry for most of that time. I have worked hard, and I've worked well, and I have a lot to be proud of.<br />
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As I get closer to the other end of my working years, the idea of not having to go to work starts becoming intimidating. This isn't taking two weeks vacation. It's the rest of my life! I don't have a pension to rely on, other than my own savings (thank goodness for 401(k) plans!) and a lot of hoping. The questions start racing through my mind: Have I planned well enough? What if there is an unexpected emergency? What will I do if my money runs out?<br />
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As I ask myself these questions, I have also been doing what my job refers to as "readiness testing." I use retirement calculators online. I question my financial planner. I calculate my own scenarios. I try to think about things that could disrupt my life even more than just retiring. All the signs point to being on track - more on track than I could ever trust, yet still, I have trouble trusting it.<br />
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A former co-worker retired recently, and when we were talking recently, she said she went through the same thing. In fact, she still does sometimes. I guess it's in our nature to doubt ourselves and to doubt the world around us. Her financial planner has had to even get almost aggressive with her to insist that she's going to be okay!<br />
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Fortunately, one of the things I have learned to trust in life is the abundance of the universe. In all my years, I have never experienced anything that I didn't survive. And in hindsight, with only a few exceptions, there is hardly anything I experienced that was as bad as I expected it to be, or in some cases, as bad as I thought it was at the time. When I've put my heart and mind to it, I have manifested everything I have ever wanted or needed (and even a lot of things I haven't wanted or needed!) I've come through every challenge, every obstacle, every change, and by some miraculous twist of fate, I have survived all of it!<br />
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What I also have to remind myself is that it isn't retirement that I am finding so intimidating. It's stepping out of my comfort zone. The decades of depending on something to do from 9:00 to 5:00 every day, and having a paycheck twice a month to cover my bills. All of that will go away one day, sooner than I may be mentally prepared for, but it will come.<br />
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As much as I have cherished the thought of looking into the future when I could just wake up and do whatever I want Every. Single. Day., it is still intimidating to think that it is not only possible, but imminent. I can be thankful that I have learned the advice of a 19th century philosopher and writer, Andrew Jackson Davis, who was inspired with the following wisdom: "Under all circumstances, keep an even mind." Though my mind is not always even, I have this reminder, and it is always more even than it might be otherwise!<br />
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The time for my "permanent vacation" will come, and it will pass, and everything will be okay. And it will open the door to many new and exciting things that I just can't see right now. I know can make that leap of faith knowing that I will land safely, wherever that might happen to be. And when change is challenging you, you will do the same! Trust in yourself. Trust in God. Just trust!<br />
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Blessings...Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-25740467812144494672017-11-12T16:35:00.000-05:002018-05-06T20:23:26.343-04:00Getting wrapped around the axle<div>
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In a discussion group I participate in, we talked about how easy it is to become overwhelmed by things in our life, and how easy it is to let these energies distract us from what we could otherwise be focusing on. Here is some inspired wisdom that our group shared:</div>
<ul>
<li>Don’t be overwhelmed by a huge to-do-list. You can only do one thing at a time, so focus on doing each thing as efficiently and as well as you can!</li>
<li>Don’t add negativity to an already challenging situation. Encourage yourself - think positive thoughts!</li>
<li>Don’t be afraid to ask for help, physically or spiritually.</li>
<li>If you do make a mistake, don’t punish yourself. Focus on making it right. </li>
<li>Reflect on what you have accomplished and think of ways to further improve.</li>
</ul>
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Put simply, stop trying to multi-task! It’s better to do one thing right than to try to stumble through a pile of to-do items. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, or being intimidated by a huge pile of work, take things one step at a time. Focus only on what you need to do next, and do it well. When you are finished, cross that item off of your list and go on to the next item. As you go finish each task, congratulate yourself on what you’ve achieved. And by methodically focusing on what you need to do, rather on possibilities, you will finish it all a lot faster than you could have imagined. Congratulations!</div>
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<i>We spend most of our lives focusing on learning, working and planning for a distant time when we can relax and enjoy ourselves. Set those rules aside: What are you doing to enjoy your life today?</i><br />
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Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-48965520676157846192017-10-31T13:18:00.005-04:002023-09-09T12:02:05.453-04:00Finding peace with family<!--x-tinymce/html--><br />
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Five years ago today, I had one of the most challenging family experiences of my life. One of my older family members lived alone, and would sit in her kitchen most of the day listening to AM talk radio. It was Halloween, and just a few days before the 2012 presidential election. By this point, the voices coming through the airwaves had convinced her that our country and our world were (literally) going to come to an end if a certain candidate did not prevail over his evil, incumbent rival in the upcoming contest.<br />
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That day, I just happened to think about her, and decided to call her to say hello. The ensuing conversation was like nothing I could have ever expected. This beloved relative could talk with other family members about just about anything, but with me, she always wanted to focus on politics. I <u>really</u> dislike talking about politics. I learned from an early age never to discuss politics, religion or money. Our views on these three things are highly personal, and really none of anyone else's business - and for good reason.<br />
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That October evening, I don't know why she chose to lash out at me. Maybe it was just conveniently close to Election Day. Maybe it was because she associated me so closely with my mother, whom she also liked to taunt with controversial political topics. Whatever the reason, she was looking for a debate, and the bait was not something I was taking.<br />
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Common sense and respect dictated that I should not argue with her. I simply did what I could to help comfort her - reassuring her that everything would be okay either way, and trying to steer the conversation into more neutral territory. She wasn't having it, and I didn't want to argue. She tried and tried, and the more I didn't fight back, the more frustrated she got. We finally agreed to disagree, but when the conversation ended and she hung up, that little click on the line was clear: I had a feeling that I would probably never hear her voice again. I think we both understood that sometimes it's better not to have a conversation at all than to have an ugly one.<br />
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The lesson in this? Let common sense prevail over blood. So often, we yield to our family's wishes and desires, just to keep peace, sometimes to our own detriment. We let people push our buttons (or vice versa), even though we know it often ends in resentment. While no one was really harmed in this incident, it certainly was more peaceful for all concerned to just avoid unnecessary confrontation.<br />
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When we see something in someone else that we don't like, even in (or especially in) a family member, it is usually a reflection of something deep within that we don't like about ourselves. Rather than fight it, take time to look deeper into the situation to understand where it is really coming from. Perhaps you will see the other person in a new light, even if it is something you really didn't want to see. More importantly, you may discover a lot about yourself!<br />
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The law of Karma tells us that what we sow, so shall we reap. The energies we put out are the ones that we get back in return. It isn't punishment. It's just a natural reaction to our choices and actions. When we are unpleasant to others, we are harming ourselves. On the other side of that interaction, we have a choice on what we are willing to receive. Sometimes the choice is obvious, but when we are dealing with family, the obvious choices can sometimes be the most difficult. Sometimes we have to make that choice, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be.<br />
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No, we never spoke again, and that's okay. I found out later that she had written me out of her life (literally), and to some extent, I had to do the same, but that's okay. Last year, well into her 80s, she made her way to the great beyond. She had sadness in her life, and a lot of fun, too. We had a lovely celebration of her life - all positive. Despite the unpleasantness of this particular situation, I remind myself that it was just a brief moment in a timeline that spanned more than five decades. I never stopped loving, and I go on with plenty of warm, happy memories of her to keep in my heart, and I only wish her well. Hopefully she did the same for me. God bless her.<br />
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God bless us all...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-60461350117837154722017-08-09T13:28:00.003-04:002018-05-06T20:23:11.220-04:00You deserve a break today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAL6OOWNfptcXt67Uq6qkaHrwONSt7yWrOVFRz4V0jFT2muB9GE9X2iKIfiPQApUohOnFNkmD2McCH_refx0o-NGE4ljRCkzZstxayuWO9AtRcgJjp8-2aufdUsT-Hf9TeFPJTWnkWsxo/s1600/waterscape-1363500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="502" data-original-width="750" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAL6OOWNfptcXt67Uq6qkaHrwONSt7yWrOVFRz4V0jFT2muB9GE9X2iKIfiPQApUohOnFNkmD2McCH_refx0o-NGE4ljRCkzZstxayuWO9AtRcgJjp8-2aufdUsT-Hf9TeFPJTWnkWsxo/s320/waterscape-1363500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
The fourth commandment reminds us to "<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">Remember the Sabbath day and treat it as holy." (Exodus 20:8 CEB). The scripture goes into more specifics about which day and how to do it, but I'm not here to preach about reserving Saturday (or Sunday if you prefer) to eschew all work in order to focus on God. The lesson in the Sabbath is not about honoring a specific day, or doing it in any particular way, but you are certainly welcome to live by the ancient advice literally, if you so choose.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">The "sabbath" means so much more metaphysically, spiritually, and frankly, physically. The sabbath takes us out of our routine for a while and reminds us that we need to care for ourselves before we can take care of our life and the loved ones around us. And it applies on many different levels. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">Think about how the universe is built. We live on a planet, with a moon revolving around it, and the planet revolving around the sun. This same structure exists on a smaller level: a home serving as a center point for the family that lives in and around it. On an even smaller level, electrons revolving around the nucleus of an atom, and even smaller particles revolving within those. On a grander scale, our sun is part of a galaxy revolving around a central point. Then there are millions of galaxies revolving around some distant point, and perhaps multiple galaxy systems revolving in an even greater universal system. No matter how you look at it, this concept of revolution exists on many scales.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">Similarly, our idea of sabbath exists on many scales. The word "sabbath" comes from the Hebrew <i>shabbath</i>, which means "rest." It simply means taking a break. And there are many times in our life when a break is needed. If we are running at full speed all the time, we will wear ourselves out. We naturally need a time of rest in order to stay healthy and focused.</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">On the smallest level, it may simply be stepping away from a task for a brief moment to take a deep breath or stretch our muscles, so we can refocus. </span></li>
<li><span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">In an exercise routine or workout, there are specific times to breathe and rest to avoid overworking our body. And when we are finished, there is a cool-down, so we can return more efficiently to our normal, relaxed state. </span></li>
<li><span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">During our workday, the law requires us to take certain breaks from our work routine. This gives us a time to step away, nourish ourselves, and renew ourselves for the rest of the day. </span></li>
<li><span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">On a daily basis, we need a certain amount of sleep. Sleep gives our physical body a much-needed break, and actually allows our organs and our mind a chance to process the stress it has experienced during the past day. We wake up a new person. We have new energy, a new outlook, in order to make it through another 16 hours of waking state.</span></li>
<li><span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">On a weekly basis, we have our weekends - another opportunity to rest on a larger scale. This most closely resembles the sabbath mentioned in the bible.</span></li>
<li><span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">During the year, we take vacations. This gives us rest from our daily work routine, so we can relax and enjoy ourselves without obligation. Not only do we take vacations from work, we also arrange for breaks for children in school - winter break, spring break, summer break. This gives both the children and their teachers the opportunity to process what they have accomplished, and prepares them with renewed focus when school reconvenes.</span></li>
<li><span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">In our lifetime, most of us will retire. This is a long-awaited rest from decades of routine associated with a lifetime career (or two!). </span></li>
</ul>
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">All of these are ways of expressing the sabbath - a time of rest. A time of renewal, repair, reward, rejuvenation. "Keeping it holy" simply means making a commitment to take a little time for yourself and your well-being. Whenever you are working mentally or physically, whether it is your job, school, a specific project, a workout, or anything else, <i>make time to honor the sabbath</i>. Take that breath, that lunch break, that weekend, that vacation, that respite that gives your body, your mind and your spirit a chance to prepare for whatever comes next. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">In this hectic world, there is an ever-increasing expectation to work at 110% capacity in whatever we do. You might feel compelled to work at 110%, but that doesn't mean 100% of the time. Take your sabbath. Keep it "holy." Enjoy that rest, even if for just a moment, and it will be a lot easier to keep that momentum going afterward. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">A well-known fast food chain used to have the slogan "You deserve a break today." And you do. Enjoy it!</span><br />
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060"><br /></span>
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060">Blessings...</span><br />
<span class="text Exod-20-8" id="en-CEB-2060"><br /></span>Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-85218980246997752302017-01-31T11:15:00.000-05:002018-05-06T20:23:05.431-04:00Watch it!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyJBYZJh4a8s030KV3YPRFS3YAUWVL-Fz7YuG2orSCqvJcLIC2dbDzLuth0Lxo1b93Me2aDHP_SHo3Po_Vy-oWg7NRChtH1Z54xTh06NUWvyxWDf4ytOiVdASO2OEUEiNzp2GpvUvZXTQ/s1600/gag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyJBYZJh4a8s030KV3YPRFS3YAUWVL-Fz7YuG2orSCqvJcLIC2dbDzLuth0Lxo1b93Me2aDHP_SHo3Po_Vy-oWg7NRChtH1Z54xTh06NUWvyxWDf4ytOiVdASO2OEUEiNzp2GpvUvZXTQ/s320/gag.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
Social media seems to have made us all into armchair experts on the
things going on around us in the world. We see and hear something on TV,
in the news, on Twitter or Facebook, and it gets repeated as fact, over
and over again by strangers, family, friends. How many times do we see
this happen, but we know better, and set out with the determination of a
game hunter to correct them? It becomes the battle of will – who has
the strongest message, the most compelling point. If only they would
just <em>listen!</em><br />
<em> </em>
<br />
We even think out our strategy: What is the best way to explain it in
simple terms so they will understand without getting offended. If I
could just get one person to understand, the world would be just a
little bit better place!<br />
<br />
How frustrating it is when they just don’t get it, even after you’ve
wasted valuable time trying to enlighten them! I’m never doing that
again! I’m just going to keep my mouth shut and let them make themselves
look like idiots! Until the next time someone spews out something
ridiculous and ignorant. And so the cycle begins.<br />
<br />
Well, occasionally, that effort to be the font of wisdom and the
source of all enlightenment backfires. Karma teaches us where the truth
really lies, whether we want it or not. Or whether we are expecting it
or not!<br />
<br />
This lesson is a hard one, and incredibly humbling. Imagine, someone
is clearly confused and misguided, and you see that little door open –
those four little words: “I just don’t understand…” Never mind what
comes next. It’s a clear cry for help. A desire from within to achieve
better insight, and clearly you are up to the job, so you jump in. You
understand exactly what it’s all about, so you fly in to the rescue by
virtue of your wisdom for having thought it all out already and
researched it.<br />
<br />
You think hard, and plan your words carefully – that’s it! That’s
exactly how I will say it, and she is sure to get it. You have a
conversation and it goes very well. After having to explain three
different ways, she finally understands where you are coming from, and
it makes sense to her. She no longer has anything to complain about. She
even thanks you. She has seen the light! And you have achieved your
goal. One down and seven billion to go to make the world a better place!<br />
<br />
Then someone else questions what you said. You try to explain again,
but you just don’t feel like explaining it all over again, so you give
the Cliff Notes version. They still aren’t buying it. They question you
on something you’re sure you know the answer to, and a little voice
inside you tells you to go back and double check your facts. You go back
and find out that what you said hadn’t been accurate. You had misread
or misinterpreted it. Your heart sinks. You realize that your Nobel
prize-winning lecture just became yet another mindless Internet rant!<br />
<br />
Dear Lord, now what do I do?! Do I go back and apologize? Oh, how
humiliating. Do I just pretend that I never found out the error? Oh my,
someone else might read it and think I’m an idiot. Do I go back and try
to erase what I wrote on that post? No, it will make her look like she
had been having a conversation with herself. What to do!<br />
<br />
No matter how confident you are that you “know” the facts of a
situation, sometimes it is better to count to ten. Or a hundred, if you
have to. Or a thousand if wi-fi isn’t handy. Fact checking has become a
valuable tool for people who live in the public eye. It will work for
you, too!<br />
<br />
Make sure you know what you are talking about before you open your
mouth, even figuratively with a keyboard or a pen. Once the words are
spoken/typed/read, it’s hard to take them back. And with the powerful
dynamic of the “butterfly effect” (or maybe the flu), your words spread
far and wide to become the”alternate facts” of people you never met,
jeopardizing world peace, and triggering global famine.<br />
<br />
We create with our words. Even before they are spoken. Choose your
words carefully and make sure they are not causing more harm than good
before they are spoken. What would you rather be remembered for?<br />
<br />
Blessings…Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-15605951514861718652016-11-24T11:15:00.003-05:002020-11-24T21:31:58.043-05:00Today, I give thanks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWt7vyIuqAMB-pGFEDWMYX5W76OrRfPcTrs9ZeC0mFRq1l39LhI769S-DQ-3TVOmuRueL3W_A7My91vrR_5fRHfQlFRHtRq8rwCcPDzy-ig8Ybt2jWHIiLrXBZdqomlbJj2XKj0_dK_4Q/s1600/Cornucopia.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWt7vyIuqAMB-pGFEDWMYX5W76OrRfPcTrs9ZeC0mFRq1l39LhI769S-DQ-3TVOmuRueL3W_A7My91vrR_5fRHfQlFRHtRq8rwCcPDzy-ig8Ybt2jWHIiLrXBZdqomlbJj2XKj0_dK_4Q/s320/Cornucopia.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>
Today, I give thanks. Not just for a good
meal, but for the chance to enjoy it with people who can enjoy it with
me, and for the people whose hard work provided it.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just for
family, but also the friends who have become part of my family, the
parts of my family that I don’t see as often as I’d like to.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just for the
sunny skies that brighten my days, but also for the rains that nourish the life and the
land around us.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just for the
things that bring me happiness, but also for the things that challenge
me, and for the happiness I gain from the lessons they teach me.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just for the
ability to have a safe and happy home, but also for the opportunity to
help others to create the same for themselves.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not
just for my own freedom to think and to express myself and to worship in
a way that brings me fulfillment, but also for that same freedom for
others to do the same in their own unique ways, and for the
possibilities of freedom for those who may not have it today.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just for the
abundance of blessings in my life, but also for the knowledge that we
always have everything we need, and the opportunities to achieve what we
want, and the ability to share our abundance wherever it is needed.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just for the
beautiful mountains and valleys that surround us, but also the peaks and
valleys we experience in this life that give us the perspective to
appreciate all we have.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just for this
life I have been blessed with, but also for the lives who have brought
us where we are today, and for the lives of those yet to come.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks. Not just to God and
nature around me, but to the God and nature that express in each one of
us, and makes us a part of a special world family on this wondrous
planet we call home.<br />
<br />
Today, I give thanks.</p><div class="_2cuy _3dgx _2vxa" style="text-align: right;"><i>(updated Nov. 22, 2018) </i><br /></div>
<p></p>Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-89998165451334148792015-07-12T11:11:00.000-04:002018-05-06T20:22:51.165-04:00Make lemonade<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Hw5KwU-CBUSGoJ6xSuSROCuuQcaSBq35yd71k_cFK7B6syfdOMh6T2a00Wo9hxGV-epxij1Wj7Ck27HNgGGy2AQxmJHWO2Mp8J2KwRLZe8WsRBKuuzM7sL2ujVDrEidUdETlBwE4t7M/s1600/lemons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Hw5KwU-CBUSGoJ6xSuSROCuuQcaSBq35yd71k_cFK7B6syfdOMh6T2a00Wo9hxGV-epxij1Wj7Ck27HNgGGy2AQxmJHWO2Mp8J2KwRLZe8WsRBKuuzM7sL2ujVDrEidUdETlBwE4t7M/s320/lemons.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A friend online recently lost his job. He posted a picture of the
letter letting him go. Contrary to how many of us would choose to react,
this guy was ecstatic. He realized that by letting go of the job he
thought he depended on, his life was now open to new and exciting
opportunities that give him the chance to express and experience life <em>his</em> way.<br />
<br />
So often, we look at life’s obstacles as disruptions in our lives, or
worse, as mini-tragedies. We get so wrapped up in our misery and sorrow
that we fail to realize that a new door has just opened up, providing
exciting opportunities, and more importantly, giving us room in our life
to accommodate something new.<br />
<br />
I am reading an inspiring book called <em>Window in the Wall</em>, by
June Peacock, a 94-year-old neighbor who decided at the age of 89 to
write a memoir for her family. Mrs. Peacock (yes, that’s really her
name) recounts her life from early childhood in New York, to the family
farm in Pennsylvania, into adulthood – raising a family, losing a
husband not once, but three times in her life, and several careers that
she stumbled into along the way.<br />
<br />
The ongoing theme of the book is “beauty from chaos.” June’s father
taught her at an early age to cross out the letter “t” in “can’t.” There
is always room to persevere, no matter how challenging a situation: You
<span style="text-decoration: underline;">can</span>!<br />
<br />
She finds herself at various points on her journey asking herself,
“How did I get here?” Each stage of chaos in her life has brought beauty
through new and exciting opportunities that she never would have
pursued voluntarily, but enriched her life beyond expectation when they
came her way. She finds peace and comfort in a place she calls “The
Cove,” a picturesque haven in the mountains of western North Carolina,
which becomes a focal point and inspiration for the beauty in her life,
even when times are challenging. (I have been there and it’s all that!)<br />
<br />
Sometimes the wisdom of experience can be the greatest teacher.
Listen carefully to the stories told by those who have been down the
path. Learn from the lessons they willingly teach. More importantly,
listen to that still, soft voice of the ages that steers you exactly
where you need to go, even when you don’t want to.<br />
<br />
When life’s obstacles get in your way, take the time climb over or
walk around them instead of fretting over how you got there. For each
roadblock and speedbump, there is always something around the bend
waiting for you to partake and appreciate, even if you can’t see what it
is from where you are standing.<br />
<br />
There is a popular expression told in various ways, “When life hands
you lemons, make lemonade.” Sometimes the universe has to pry us out of
our comfort zone – losing a job, a failed relationship, having to
relocate – to force us to see the bigger and greater opportunities that
exist for us in life. If your situation has been handing you lemons, you
have a choice. You can be burdened by the sour fruit that will surely
go bad, or you can mix it with the sweet blessings that await you and
create a cool, refreshing glass of lemonade.<br />
<br />
Many blessings…Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-2203776721449054422015-03-29T11:10:00.000-04:002018-05-06T20:22:39.282-04:00Judge not<div class="entry-content">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtX5pwc3v5TqlGkRdVIJ-zVZFwl2MTDKbywK-eqBpNTBVRRQHxNZgHIrMxm5YdyTL9R78xi3yhO_gYjQcl2CWqqQHVnBwIxtKlOyVkuNi5DjeICLZnVkU5XAOMQH44oxhVVAZJDld2AGk/s1600/hammer-to-fall-1223606-639x424.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="639" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtX5pwc3v5TqlGkRdVIJ-zVZFwl2MTDKbywK-eqBpNTBVRRQHxNZgHIrMxm5YdyTL9R78xi3yhO_gYjQcl2CWqqQHVnBwIxtKlOyVkuNi5DjeICLZnVkU5XAOMQH44oxhVVAZJDld2AGk/s320/hammer-to-fall-1223606-639x424.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I have never considered myself a religious person, and I don’t
discuss my spirituality in public very often. All my life, I had my own
unique relationship with God, without having any person or a specific
church telling me how to do it. I consider myself a spiritual person,
and I gladly serve my denomination in a robe. Even before finding a
church that aligns with my personal spirituality, God and I always got
along just fine, and I think I have become a more decent person for
it. I believe in values embraced by Jesus, including:<br />
<ul>
<li>The Golden Rule</li>
<li>God is Love</li>
<li>Love Thy Neighbor</li>
<li>Judge not lest ye be judged</li>
<li>God is not a respecter of persons</li>
<li>The Kingdom of God is within you</li>
<li>Of the things Jesus did, we shall do those and even greater things</li>
<li>All of us are God’s children</li>
</ul>
Read the Ten Commandments. Not one of them says “Thou shalt condemn
those whose beliefs differ from yours.” Jesus said that an even more
important commandment is to love they neighbor as thyself. And if you
don’t love “thyself” then love thy neighbor even more. Judge not
others. Let those without sin cast the first stone. Not one of us is
equipped to act on God’s behalf, regardless of what your role is in your
church. Not a congregant. Not a deacon. Not a minister. Not a bishop,
or a cardinal, or a pope or a grand poobah. We are all God’s children
learning our lessons in our own way. We have far too many lessons to
learn to worry about anyone else’s path to understanding.<br />
<br />
There is no need for a personified God to condemn anyone, at our
request or otherwise, for if there were, it would imply that the
creative force of the universe is not perfect – that God made a
mistake. For any person to take responsibility for God and condemn
someone on their own implies that such person is better than God. God
does not need any help. Each of us are expressions of God on our own
path of understanding, and we’ll figure it out in our own way. What
works for you or me might not work for someone else. Let us find our own
way.<br />
<br />
We’ll all get there. Some of us may choose to take the scenic
route, while others want to be on the expressway. That’s okay. Just
remember that taking short cuts causes us to miss out on the lessons
that elevate us to a higher level of consciousness. We can’t learn
calculus without learning a lot of other modes of mathematics along the
way. We can’t be experts in our career path the week after we get out of
school. We must learn the ropes. The same applies to life and
spirituality. We have to learn our lessons, and if we don’t, we will
continue on our path of learning until we do. No magic man in the sky is
going to absolve us of our responsibility. Jesus had is lessons and so
do we. Neither he, nor anyone else can do it for us.<br />
<br />
The third commandment tells us that we shall not take the name of the
Lord in vain. We think of phrases like “God dammit” as examples of this
offense. What we don’t think about is that <u>any</u> <u>time</u> we
call on God to do something on our behalf, or to meet our personal
desires, we are taking the name of God in vain. It is not God’s job to
do anything on our behalf. As with any good parent, it is the
Creator’s job to teach us and encourage us to take care of ourselves
without having to intervene.<br />
<br />
I also believe that we are personally responsible for our thoughts
and actions, and I believe in Karma, the law of cause and effect. The
judgment of God is the judgment of ourselves. We must reconcile our
less-than-holy actions in this life or the next. No one will punish us
more than our own realization of the harm we have created in our life
against our fellow humanity. God, a person, if there were such a thing,
would only have to sit back and watch the show.<br />
<br />
Most of these are not just Christian values, but universal values
across all faith traditions. We are all equal in the eyes of God. I also
believe that God cannot be condensed into 66 books, especially when
much of those books’ content is contradictory, and based largely on very
earthly culture and values of ages past. <em>All</em> things in this
universe are of God, whether we perceive them as “good” or “bad” either
2,000 years ago or today, and whether or not they are specified in the
Bible. Any person who condemns any part of God’s creation, condemns
themselves, and they are condemning God. To condemn in Jesus’ (or
Mohammad’s, or anyone else’s) name even further denegrates the purpose
of religion and spirituality, and is by definition “unholy.”<br />
<br />
If you are minding someone else’s business, who is minding yours?<br />
<br />
Blessings…</div>
Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-5176464514133579892014-08-09T11:09:00.000-04:002018-05-06T20:20:56.074-04:00Think before you ____<div class="entry-content">
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Just fill in the blank! Seriously! Earlier this evening, I saw a
disturbing example of how easily a mistake can have serious
consequences. Someone posted a video of a car veering into the oncoming
lane while the driver was texting, from the point of view of the cars
that were almost hit head on. Now why the driver was recording their
trip in the first place is puzzling to me, but I’ll contemplate on that
another time. The point is that we can do something with very little
thought, that has far-reaching, or even life-changing consequences.<br />
<br />
A short while after viewing this video, I posted something on
Facebook. It was a silly thing, targeted at a friend whose business
showed up on the driving directions I had been querying on. When I
posted the comment about it, I accidentally added it to a post that
another friend had made announcing the birth of her second grandchild.
So here she is, all excited about her baby’s baby, and here I am talking
about how another friend’s business showed up on a Google map. She was
confused, and so was the person who owns the business!<br />
<br />
In my feeble attempt to fix it, like a good citizen, I deleted the
comment and reposted it the the right place. When I checked to see that
it posted correctly, there was my home address, boldly printed at the
bottom of the map, for all the world to see. What started out as a
simple comment to a friend was continuing to snowball. Now this was a
fairly inconsequential series of events that resulted in a few laughs,
and maybe some minor head-scratching, but nothing more (I hope!).<br />
<br />
The lesson isn’t about posting on Facebook or being silly. It’s about
being distracted and careless. When we let ourselves become distracted
by little things, or fail to give our actions our full attention, they
can turn into big things. Today, it was sort of funny. If I was the
person driving the car in the video, it might not have been so funny.<br />
<br />
It is important for us to use our words, our thoughts and our actions
carefully. Think first, then act. In the words of don Miguel Ruiz,
author of <em>The Four Agreements </em>(one of the most important books
ever), “Be impeccable with your word.” Simple advice. The more mindful
we are of our actions, the less harm we can avoid for ourselves and
others.<br />
<br />
So, if you remember nothing else, remember this Public Service
Announcement brought to you by Lessons Learned: “Think before you
________!”<br />
<br />
Blessings!</div>
Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-28765082370060468212014-07-31T11:08:00.000-04:002018-05-06T20:20:02.624-04:00Home is where the heart is – Part II<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A couple of years ago, I posted about <a href="http://learnevery-day.blogspot.com/2012/07/home-is-where-heart-is.html" title="Home is where the heart is?">my experience of falling in love with the mountains</a>
and my almost insatiable desire to be there. At the time I didn’t know
where my life would take me – I had never lived more than 20 miles or so
from the hospital in Washington, DC where I was born. But still, the
mountains were calling my name. At the time, it was a dream, but about
five months ago, we bought a house near the village of Webster, North
Carolina, and last month, we sold our house in Maryland and moved.<br />
<br />
This is the latest in a series of significant changes that have
happened in my life in the past year. I got a new car, I got married, I
moved 500 miles, and even though the lesson of my previous post was that
we don’t need to go anywhere to find peace, I’m finding myself more at
peace than I have been in a very long time.<br />
<br />
I suppose this is what they mean by “mind over matter.” In my mind, I
fell in love with western North Carolina on a visit almost 4 years ago.
From that moment, I never really left. My mind wanted it so bad, that
my body and life could do nothing else but respond and manifest what my
dream had created.<br />
<br />
After we moved here, I saw a quote painted in a storefront, and I’ve since seen it in a few other places: <i>“The mountains are calling and I must go.” (John Muir). </i>I
don’t recall hearing or seeing this quote before last month, but
somehow, it was the mantra of my soul. What I dreamed has become real,
and I can’t tell you how inspiring this journey has been.<br />
<br />
I love the city of my birth – a wonderful place that has changed a
lot. After less than six weeks, I don’t miss it – not one iota. Some
days, I have trouble even remembering it! True, I miss a few wonderful
folks I left behind, but they’re still there and accessible.<br />
<br />
Two weeks ago, we drove back to DC to attend a special event for
which we had made plans months ago (don’t tell anyone we were there!).
Before I got inside the beltway, I was starting to regret the trip. The
city of my birth is no longer home for me. It is no longer the place
where I grew up, and it isn’t the place I remember. I visited with
wonderful friends, and had a momentous time, but I don’t remember many
times in my life when I felt so happy to be headed home when the weekend
was over.<br />
<br />
Now, back in the safe cradle of the mountains, I sit here with peace
in my heart and happiness filling my lungs as I breathe fresh mountain
air, drink fresh water from a well, listen to the insects in the field,
and cherish the chickens we just bought. This is home – the home I had
been searching for and dreaming of for longer than I can remember. It’s
like I’ve always been here.<br />
<br />
The holy scriptures tell us we were created in God’s image. To me,
this doesn’t mean that we were created to look or act like “Him.” I
really don’t think God is a “him” at all – that’s simply our analytical
human mind trying to make sense of something far too complex for us to
comprehend. God is the loving, creative force that is in all things and
all beings. We are the image of God because we have the power to create
and discern. Everything that ever existed started with a thought.<br />
<br />
My thoughts created my happiness and my peace. It wasn’t relocating
500 miles to the mountains that made me happy. The move simply helped me
to open the door to my own truth that was there all along. It’s not
that I wasn’t happy already. I don’t think we are ever far from true
happiness and peace – it lives within us. But looking out the window and
seeing the majestic mountains and lush greenery and flowers everywhere I
look certainly doesn’t hurt!<br />
<br />
The more significant lesson is that we remain in the present. The
past doesn’t exist anymore. Maybe that’s why I’m not missing it. I still
have my memories, and they will serve me well. Once they are gone, I
won’t know the difference anyway! Just as importantly, we can’t get hung
up over the future because it hasn’t happened yet. We only have today
to make our dreams come true, and to accomplish what means most to us.
If we aren’t working on it now, it isn’t getting done!<br />
<br />
After my visit to western North Carolina almost four years ago, I
wrote a poem – one of very few I have ever written – to memorialize the
brilliant autumn day that unexpectedly inspired me to change my life. I
shared it with a friend who grew up here, just a mile or so up the road
from where I sit, and now I share it with you:<br />
<blockquote>
<b><i>Ode to Webster</i></b><br />
<i>A tiny glen among the hills,<br />
</i><i>Golden cascades descending from an autumn sky,<br />
</i><i>Coaxing, beckoning from afar,<br />
</i><i>Drawing me to you o’er winds on high.<br />
</i><i>Friendly smiles, warm-hearted mem’ries,<br />
</i><i>Weave tapestries of times long past,<br />
</i><i>Blended with hues of present-day:<br />
</i><i>Imagery that will fore’er last.<br />
</i><i>You have captured me, O Webster,<br />
</i><i>Though, regretfully I depart,<br />
</i><i>Your warmth, your charm, your heritage<br />
</i><i>Remain steadfast in my heart.</i><br />
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<i>—</i> <i>October 2010</i></div>
</blockquote>
Blessings from Webster…😊Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-86434313907253690552013-12-04T11:03:00.000-05:002018-05-06T20:16:58.877-04:00Forgiveness = Letting go<div class="entry-content">
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I was traveling recently, and I encountered a gentleman on his
spiritual path, as we all are. At least three times over two days, we
got into a conversation about forgiveness. This man’s opinion is that
there is no such thing as forgiveness. His argument is that everything
we experience is a lesson. If we have to forgive a situation, it implies
that there something about the situation that should not have happened,
or that we are choosing to be a victim. The example he gave to argue
his point was that you would never forgive a teacher for teaching you!<br />
<br />
As I thought about his observations, they made sense on the surface,
but I couldn’t help but think that he might have been making an
assumption that was leading to incorrect reasoning – an assumption about
the definition of forgiveness itself. If one accepts “forgiveness” as
the absolution of one’s errors, or “letting someone get away with
something,” one could easily draw the same conclusions as this man,
resulting in misperceptions.<br />
<br />
The act of forgiving isn’t the same as forgetting or relaxing one’s
moral values. It is about letting go – making a conscious decision not
to let the “baggage” of the situation weigh you down. It doesn’t make
the situation go away, it simply changes the way we choose to react to
the situation.<br />
<br />
Because of his assumption, the man went on to explain almost this exact process of letting go as a <span style="text-decoration: underline;">replacement</span> for forgiveness. I pointed out to him that the “letting go” <span style="text-decoration: underline;">IS</span> forgiveness,
not an alternative. As we often do, this gentleman resisted the idea
that he might be incorrect. He didn’t accept this alternative, because
his existing belief was set in his mind.<br />
<br />
The third time we had the conversation about forgiveness, I think he
finally started seeing the logic that instead of replacing the <span style="text-decoration: underline;">idea</span> of forgiveness, one can replace the <span style="text-decoration: underline;">definition</span> of forgiveness itself – enabling an understanding of what forgiveness really is!<br />
<br />
I honestly do not know if this man chose to change his thoughts, or
if he is still traveling around telling people that forgiveness is a
waste of time. I can be thankful that the whole interaction solidified
my understanding of what forgiveness is. In the end, it all came down to
semantics.<br />
<br />
When there is something that you don’t like – something that someone
has said or done that triggered a negative reaction in you, you are not a
victim. You are a spiritual being who can choose to rise above the
negative human reaction and see things more spiritually. You can’t
change the past, no matter how much you might like to. You can’t change
what another person does or chooses to do. The only thing you can change
is how you <span style="text-decoration: underline;">react</span> to the situation. Nothing can harm you unless you allow it to happen!<br />
<br />
This is where the phrase “Let go and let GOD” comes from. Forgiveness
is not absolution. You aren’t telling a person that what they did was
okay or acceptable. You aren’t pretending that it didn’t happen. You
aren’t denying its severity. You are simply telling the universe that
you are choosing to react objectively to the situation and more
importantly, you are leaving the past <span style="text-decoration: underline;">in the past</span>! Reliving past situations that trigger negative reactions simply causes the scenario to live on.<br />
<br />
I equate it to storing all of your bad experiences in a big steamer
trunk. The more negative feelings you harbor regarding your past, the
heavier the trunk gets. That trunk is chained to you and you can’t
release it. Your only choices are to continue carrying this ever-growing
weight, or to lighten the load! All you have to do is take things out
of the trunk and leave them behind where they can’t burden you anymore!<br />
<br />
Better yet, think of those experiences as balloons. Instead of
feeling the need to hold the box closed, open it wide, and let them
simply float away, never to be seen again. Forgiveness allows the past
to die (or float away!), and opens the door for new, more positive
experiences to manifest in your life!<br />
<br />
When something happens that you perceive as “bad,” instead of
becoming angry or fearful or doubtful or any other kind of adverse
reaction, just say “Thank you!” See the situation that has been
presented to you, not as a nuisance, but as a learning experience that
will help you learn and grow. These lessons will make you a stronger,
better person, and the rest will take care of itself!<br />
<br />
Blessings…</div>
Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-44265622610118529922013-05-22T11:02:00.000-04:002018-05-06T20:15:41.970-04:00An inner struggle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It seems the more sophisticated we get with technology, education and
our daily lives, the more we lose touch with our inner self – the one
that knows the truth about all that is. We watch horrific things on the
news and wonder why God would do that to people. We say and think things
that send out energy of fear and anger, and often, we don’t even
realize we are doing it. We ignore people we pass on the street,
deliberately avoiding contact. Maybe it’s just urban culture. Maybe it’s
just bad habit, but it seems like too often we are pulling ourselves in
the opposite direction from where we want to be, like the pushmi-pullyu
from Dr. Dolittle books.<br />
<br />
Why is it so easy to blame the world around us for the struggles we
experience? Why do we dwell on the “bad” in things instead of accepting
and moving on? Why do we assume that anyone outside of us (other than
perhaps close family and loved ones) are even aware what goes on in our
life?<br />
<br />
We are individual people, responsible for the path we take. We are
the ones who make choices every day, and have to live with the
consequences of our actions. Then we look back and wonder what happened.
So often, I see people reacting to a situation that they created, or at
least helped to create, looking around saying, “What happened? I didn’t
do anything!” More often than not, we are playing a much greater role
in the things that happen around us – more than we probably realize.<br />
<br />
When something “bad” happens, who is deciding that it’s bad? Is it
our own judgement that makes this decree? Is it conditioning from the
way we were raised, either by our family or by our society? We assume
things are “bad” because we were told it’s bad, or it triggers emotions
that lead us to feel that way. If it is a situation that we are in, what
could we have done differently to reach a different result? If it is
someone else’s situation, what could they have done differently?<br />
<br />
A friend recently lost a sister to illness, which brought back
memories of my own sister’s death. She had substance abuse problems that
no one else knew about until it was too late to do anything about it. I
tell people that she died from a drug interaction, which is true, but
she actually died from the choices that she made along the way to do
what she did. No one killed her. The situation was completely avoidable.
As hard as it was to observe the process of deterioration, when I
stepped back and looked at the situation, it was hard to feel sorry for
her. I know that sounds insensitive, but it’s true. I felt frustrated,
because she didn’t seem to want to seek help. Maybe she didn’t even
realize how bad it was. She was even told that she would die if she
didn’t stop. As much as she didn’t want to die, her dependency was more
important to her, and she had to live, or not, with the consequences.
Sadly, she chose the latter. In the end, God didn’t do this. No person
did this to her. It was her choice, and honestly, as difficult as it
was, we had to respect that it was her choice to make, though one we
would probably not make ourselves.<br />
<br />
Another area where people lash out at God or anything else, is
natural disasters. God doesn’t make these things happen. These are
forces of nature that have always existed, and always will. People know
that it will happen, and they have to weigh the risk of being in a place
where things like earthquakes, tornadoes, or floods happen. As our
world becomes more populated, more people choose to live in places that
were once unpopulated. They take a gamble, and like any gamble,
sometimes we lose. It isn’t the weather’s fault. It really isn’t
anyone’s fault. It’s a choice that didn’t work out.<br />
<br />
A less severe example is the traffic here in the Washington, DC area.
People complain about it constantly, but they still get up every
morning and get in their car and sit in it. Sometimes they have to.
Sometimes it’s just easier or cheaper than trying to take public
transportation or finding a carpool. Sometimes it’s a decision that
could have been made differently. There are many folks who live in the
outer reaches of the suburbs in Maryland and Virginia who work on the
other side of the river. They move out to a place where it is less
costly to live. They know the traffic is bad, and that it will be
difficult to get to their job on the other side of the river, because
there are no crossings out there. Much like the tornadoes in the plains,
the traffic was there long before these people relocated, but then they
expect “someone” to fix it once they find themselves in the middle of
it. It isn’t fair to blame the traffic for a less-than-ideal choice in
residence, any more than it’s fair to blame God or the government for
the bad weather that kills people.<br />
<br />
Too often, I see people using words that indicate where they are
going on their path. When they say that someone makes them sick, or that
they hate something, or they look to tomorrow (or an unnamed “someone”)
to find the answers to the situation they have today, they don’t
realize that they have separated themselves from what they really want.
When we say something makes us sick at our stomach, our subconscious
mind simply follows our lead and takes us there. When we say that
“someone” needs to do something about “it,” whatever “it” is, we lose
track of the fact that we <span style="text-decoration: underline;">are</span> someone,
and we can do something, even if it is simply accepting and letting it
go instead of making ourselves miserable over something that we cannot
control.<br />
<br />
So often, we invoke the Law of Attraction to draw things to us that
we don’t want – through our fear, through our worry, through our doubt.
Did you ever notice that people who are afraid of dogs or bees seem to
attract the very thing they are afraid of? This is what I’m talking
about.<br />
<br />
We must follow natural law. Nature works a certain way, and we can’t
change the way it responds to a situation. Any action results in a
logical, appropriate reaction. The more we ignore this process, the more
we get frustrated by it. Why not work <span style="text-decoration: underline;">with</span> the
law, instead of against it? As I have repeated many times, if we aren’t
part of the solution, we are part of the problem. If we aren’t making
ideal choices, and following a path of improvement, improvement might
not ever happen.<br />
<br />
There is no “good” or “bad.” They are simply opposite ends of the
same spectrum, and what we see as “good” or “bad” often is a matter of
our perspective. If one is wealthy with a high-paying job, the idea of
working at a fast food restaurant or on a cleaning crew might seem
pretty unsavory. For someone who is out of work, or can’t pay their
bills, it might be a welcome opportunity. It is our personal and
societal judgement that creates “good” or “bad,” when in reality,
everything just “is.” It is a result of what we have created and how we
choose to look at it.<br />
<br />
Next time you are feeling frustrated, angry, fearful, doubtful, or
any other experience we label “negative,” stop and take stock in what is
happening. What are you doing to influence the outcome, one way or the
other? What are the blessings or lessons you are ignoring in the
situation that might help you to grow into a better, more understanding
person? What are the words you have used that have drawn you to a
situation, or made it seem worse than it needs to be? What can you do,
through your thoughts, words or actions, to see the situation in a
better light, and be thankful for the lessons and opportunities it
brings? What attachments can you surrender, so that everyone involved
can move ahead?<br />
<br />
Death, natural disasters, parting of ways, and other “undesirable”
situations will happen. They always do. They always will. We cannot
change that. What you can change is the way you react to them. You can
change the way you perceive them. You can change the way you feed them
and keep them alive, or even encourage them. You can change your life
for the better <em>because </em>of them.<br />
<br />
We are all connected – to each other and to everything. What affects a
part of the whole affects the whole. If we aren’t accepting our
responsibility to help achieve a desired outcome, how can we expect
anyone else to do it for us? It’s a team effort. Be a part of the team,
even if it’s a team of one, and keep things moving in a good, orderly,
positive direction!<br />
<br />
Blessings…Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3034082881030938769.post-24700516846753929912012-10-13T11:01:00.000-04:002018-05-06T20:14:15.941-04:00Find your inner child<div class="entry-content">
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Yesterday, after a meeting with a client, the immaculate
weather inspired me to run some errands and enjoy some daylight for a
change. Getting out of my car and heading toward the office supply store
in a nearby shopping center, my mind was focused on the list of items I
needed to buy. As I approached the store entrance, a woman passed me on
the sidewalk. Negotiating a turn around a nearby bush was her little
boy, about three or four years old, running with a big shopping bag,
which was trailing behind him like a big kite. The exuberance on his
face was so pure and innocent. My first thought was what a wonderful
photograph the scene would have made: a little boy with a big smile and
an even bigger bag flying in the breeze he was making as he ran.<br />
<br />
It made me think of my childhood, and how entertaining the littlest
things could be. We could make something fun out of just about anything –
an old baby blanket, some blocks, or a stack of blank paper and some
crayons!<br />
<br />
After making my purchases, I stopped in McDonald’s to get a bite to
eat. At a nearby table, a young man and his little daughter were eating
their lunch and exploring the Monopoly board and game pieces that came
with their meal. They were both having the best time, not so much
because of the game itself, but just being in each other’s presence. I’m
not sure who was enjoying it more, the little girl or her father.
Again, I thought what a wonderful picture it would make. Having a few
game pieces myself, which I had no intention of using, I took them over
and placed them on their table. The father’s smile said “thank you” as
he returned his focus to his daughter so they could continue further on
their big adventure, wherever that was in their minds.<br />
<br />
It’s so easy to get caught up in the seriousness of adulthood, which
makes us forget to have fun. It’s okay to do nothing. Or to go for a
walk and enjoy the flowers. Or to pull out a stack of blank paper and
some crayons and see where inspiration takes you. This is what life is
about.<br />
<br />
We have those snapshots in our mind – the memories of a simpler time.
That doesn’t mean we can’t stop to take new pictures along our adult
journey to save in the album of our mind. At the end of a highly
spiritual and emotional week for me, I have the opportunity to thank a
little boy and his mother, and a little girl and her father, for taking a
brief instant to remind me that my inner child is still alive and well
and living inside me. I think I’ll go outside and play!<br />
<br />
Blessings…</div>
Lessons Learnedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580835729398541492noreply@blogger.com