A new year – a new outlook

Tomorrow is New Year’s Day for the Christian Era calendar. It hasn’t always been that way. New Year’s Day used to be March 25. Really? Most English-speaking (Anglican) countries, started their year on Lady Day, or the Feast of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin. But then about 250 years ago, it got moved to its present date, which really confused things for a while.

Did you know that the date on the day George Washington was born was February 11, 1731, not February 22, 1732? The latter date is what it got converted to in September 1752, when England (Anglican) accepted and adopted the Gregorian (Catholic) calendar which started the year on January 1, and fixed a lot of problems with the old Julian calendar system. The Gregorian calendar started the concept of leap year, which prevented the date of the spring equinox from shifting over time. The spring equinox, which is used to determine the date of Easter, is very close to the old-style New Year’s Day of March 25! (Probably not a coincidence, but I don’t feel like researching it.)

Okay, I’ve already gotten way off track. This is all just trivia, and has nothing to do with why I’m writing, other than FYI, but now you know something new. Regardless of what day a new year starts, it’s really just an imaginary milestone. In reality, it’s just another day. In our minds, though, it is a ritual of closing a door to the past and opening a new door to the possibilities that life presents us. With this in mind, every day should really be New Year’s Day, shouldn’t it?

So as this new calendar year begins, make it a new beginning. Shed the old negative ways, and replace them with a positive outlook, and a positive reaction to everything that happens in your life. Just as you have a choice to make a new year’s resolution, you have a choice whether to wake up each day with happiness in your heart, or to wake up with a burden on your shoulders. It’s all in how you choose to react to it. Sure, nothing is perfect, and there will always be challenges. But we can choose to let them get the best of us, or we can choose to conquer them.

That’s what New Year’s Day is all about: Conquering the past. You don’t need resolutions, you just need resolution – to do the best you possibly can with what you’ve got, and to find a way to make it the best experience you can have. You don’t need money. You don’t need fame. You don’t need a credit card to ride this train [oops – that’s a song]. You only need to be the best you can possibly be. It’s all anyone could ask of you, and more importantly, it’s the most you can expect of yourself. One day, your best might be better than it is on another day, but as long as you’re doing your best, who can deny your effort?

Make this day and every day a blessed one, and each day that you do, you’ll have a Happy New Year all over again!

Blessings…

Christmas doesn’t have to be blue

“I’ll have a bluuuue Christmas without youuuuu….” Today I was traveling home from Boston on business. I was at my gate, at the far end of the terminal from where the security entrance is. Christmas music quietly filled the air, as I waited for my flight. A family came up to where I was sitting and chose the area around me to sit down. I overheard one woman say, “I wanted to sit back here to get away from the Christmas music.” Unfortunately for her, there was Christmas music, so they moved. “How sad,” I thought, “It’s the holidays, and we should be enjoying them.” I guess they didn’t feel that way.

The stress of the holidays – the pressure of shopping, cooking, baking, sending out Christmas cards (or Hanukkah, if you prefer!), traveling and making sure everyone sees you as happy as you want to see everyone else, can be overwhelming. Especially in times of a tough economy, this pressure can lead to sadness or even depression. It’s hard enough for us to be our best self the rest of the year, and suddenly we’re expected to ooze perfect love, harmony and Peace on Earth. Instead, we sometimes find ourselves pulling our hair out by the roots and wishing it were January! (well, maybe April or May – January is too cold!) A church I know in Pennsylvania has a Blue Christmas service the first Sunday in December for people who don’t like dealing with the holidays.

This past Black Friday, I sat in the comfort of my home and kept up with the updates from my friends on Facebook as they got up at some ungodly hour after enjoying their Thanksgiving meal to spend the night, and much of the following day, catching bargains. Nearly every day, I see and hear people fretting over the gifts they need to buy. Some folks are already busy baking holiday cookies. True, Christmas is only 16 days away, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.

I used to get all wound up at the holidays. When I was a teenager, before Black Friday became such an obsession, I would go to the mall and scope out all of the stores to get ideas. I liked the hustle and bustle and the holiday decorations. I wouldn’t buy anything. I would simply weave through the crowds from store to store to see what there was to see, and to get inspiration. After doing this, I’d have an idea of what to buy, and then I’d go back another day with the exact route I needed to take to gather up everything I needed as quickly as I could. And hope to Goodness that I hadn’t accidentally forgotten anyone!

My mom was always one to make a big deal out of Christmas Eve. She would bake and cook and buy gifts, and then we’d all go to her place, and drive her crazy as three different conversations went on at the same time, and she couldn’t keep track of any of them. When we were kids, there was nothing that pleased her more than to see the excitement on our faces as we came into the living room to find what Santa had brought us. As we got older, the tradition lived on. Christmas Eve was Mom’s day, and it was at her place where we spent our time with our now extended family.

About ten years ago, my mother decided that she wasn’t buying Christmas gifts anymore. She found that she was buying gifts just for the sake of having something to give. Some people in my family would accept the gifts she gave without even a “thank you.” So she stopped. Why put herself through the pressure of “performing” for the holidays when her actions were full of unfulfilling emptiness? We still went to her place, but the rule was no gifts – just some nice snacks and time to visit with family. We still had three conversations at a time, but somehow, it seemed a little easier for her to deal with, and it was easier for her to send us home when she got tired of it all!

When Mom stopped the gifts, I took her cue, and did the same. I stopped buying gifts just for the sake of buying. Now if I see something I know a family member or loved one would appreciate, I buy it and give it, no matter the season or the occasion. Christmas is when I want it to happen! At (the real) Christmas, I exchange one gift with the one person in my life who is most important, and that’s it. If I feel like it, I send Christmas cards. If I don’t, it might be New Year cards. Or it might be a phone call or an e-mail. For a while, I had fun making my own Christmas cards, until I found myself getting in the same rut of feeling like I was doing it just for the sake of doing it. My friends and family know I love them, and I try to let them know when the time is right, not necessarily when the calendar says I’m supposed to!

My mom taught me that Christmas isn’t about what you buy or bake or cook or spend. It is about love. Take the opportunity to be with your family and loved ones. If you feel you need to give something, be creative and make something yourself, with love from your heart. Don’t waste your money on gifts unless you know it is something that someone really needs or will appreciate. It isn’t about what you spend, it’s about the love with which it is given and with which time is spent. And most importantly, don’t be driven by the commercials on TV. Christmas can be any day, or every day, if you want it to be. It makes it easier to find the true spirit of what it’s all about, not what the TV and Madison Avenue say it should be. And if the holidays bother you that much, find a friend who feels the same way and spend the holidays somewhere where it’s warm, where you can sit on the beach with a cocktail in your hand, pretending that Christmas is six months away! Whatever you choose to do, do it because you want to do it, not because you have to do it, and you won’t be disappointed!

Don’t be blue. Don’t be depressed. Don’t be stressed. More importantly, don’t just sit and wish that the holidays were over. There’s a silver lining in every cloud, and there doesn’t even have to be a cloud in the first place unless you create one for yourself. The joy of Christmas is what you choose to make of it. It’s as simple or as complicated as you want it to be, no more no less. Make the holidays what you want them to be, and when you want them to be, and you will find satisfaction in that. Even if it’s inviting your friends who have nothing else to do and eating fried chicken and biscuits from a fast food place – or doing nothing at all!

On a rare occasion during the holidays, I will hear “Let There Be Peace on Earth” by Gladys Knight and the Pips. It’s one of my favorite hymns any time of the year, and it’s a sure way to beat the holiday blues if you can learn to live by it: “Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin With Me.”

Blessings to you and yours as you find the true meaning and joy of the holiday season in your heart.

Be thankful

At this time of Thanksgiving, it’s easy to be thankful for the great food, loving family, or other obvious blessings in our lives. Let’s not forget the little blessings, too. In this world of mass media, there is so much focus on the negativity in our country, but there is so much to be thankful for. Be thankful that we have food to eat and a place to live. Be thankful that we are at peace on our home turf. Be thankful that we have the freedom to be thankful, to protest, to want lower taxes, to want higher taxes, to paint our hair purple. As much as we tend to dislike about our existence, we still have it pretty good. Even those who have very little still have much more than some do in other parts of the world. True, there is always room for improvement, but if we try, each one of us can find something to be thankful for, both personally and as a citizen of our nation.

If you are more fortunate than something else, make a point over the next few weeks to do something generous and kind for someone who is in need. Don’t impose your personal values on the situation. Don’t do it for the recognition or praise you’ll get. Don’t even tell anyone you are doing it! Just do it for the love of it.

On this Thanksgiving, be thankful for the big things, but be thankful for the little things, too! They mean a lot, and it’s easy to overlook them. Here is a prayer, adapted from something I heard on TV once:

For food in a world where many walk in hunger,
For faith in a world where many walk in fear,
For comfort in a world where many walk in pain,
For friends in a world where many walk alone,
We give you thanks, God,
For all of the many blessings we share this day.

Amen

When you see something you don’t like in others, take a look in the mirror

Many years ago, I heard an expression, “looking through a glass (or mirror) darkly.” It comes from the Bible, and it always confused me. The language was cryptic, and it didn’t make sense to me. Life taught me a lesson this week that made me realize how much sense it really makes.

We all know someone who gets on our nerves in one way or another. Their habits, their mannerisms, their passive-aggressive behavior, their excessive niceness, or any of a million other characteristics can trigger a nerve within us, sometimes unexpectedly. I have noted this experience in dealing with a number of people over the years. Normally I get along with people pretty well, but occasionally, there is someone who just rubs me the wrong way. In some cases, after I got to know them better, we ended up being good friends. In other cases, well, they just kept annoying me. It isn’t nice to say, but it is true.

I think we all go through this at some time or another, some of us more than others. Perhaps it is a natural defense mechanism in us that is meant to help protect us from potential harm – that “red flag” that goes up when something isn’t quite right, and we need to be aware. The tricky part sometimes, is figuring out what we need to be aware of.

Lately, I have been observing some struggles in a community of folks that I know, where one person’s wishes and desires, expressed out of enthusiasm, or at least good intentions, has had an adverse affect on others around them. Because this involves a group of people, it’s interesting to see the same dynamic happening in multiple directions. The people involved have good ideas, and may be looking toward the same goal, but the differences in the path that each one wants to take causes resistance in the others. In the end, it ends up being a battle of right and wrong, when in fact, it was neither. It was just different ways of achieving the same thing.

We all have an ego. It’s part of what makes us unique individuals. It’s perfectly ordinary and natural, until we try to impose that ego on others. We can’t make other people behave or act the way we want them to. We all have responsbility for our own path. In this case, the two paths were nearly identical, but each journey had enough ego worked into it to cause people to dislike the other’s methods. It’s sort of sad. And sadly, they have a lot of working out to get things where they need to be.

What is even sadder, is that in observing this, I have noticed some of the same things in myself in my dealings with other people. It’s easy to focus on what I want, even if I am choosing to see it as being for the greater good of all. On a recent occasion, someone pointed out their observations to me, indicating that I have done this, and how it affected their perception of a situation I was involved in. What I want is not necessarily what is what someone else wants or needs. Maybe that’s why it’s so annoying when I see other people doing the same thing. I see elements of them in myself. Why am I annoyed? Because I’m taking the other person’s actions personally.

I think that’s what they meant by seeing through a glass darkly. When we observe a situation, our perspective is clouded by our own ego, our own expectations, our own values and opinions. We aren’t really seeing what is true, we are seeing a reality we have created for ourselves. Think about when you look out a window, especially in the evening when it’s getting dark. You can see through the glass, but the glass also acts like a mirror. Not only are we seeing what is on the other side of the glass, we are also seeing a reflection of ourselves superimposed on what we are looking at. We have trained our eyes to ignore the reflection and focus on what’s on the other side, but the reflection is still there, and our minds still see it.

Have you ever tried to take a photograph of something framed in glass? We see the picture or artwork clearly, but when you look at the photograph you took, you can see a reflection of yourself taking the picture, or other objects that were around you at the time the picture was taken. You didn’t see it when you were taking the picture, but it’s plain as day when you look at the photo when it’s printed out.

This is how we look at life. And the way life looks at us. Our attention is so focused on what we think we are looking at, we aren’t noticing the part of ourselves that we are superimposing on the situation. Sometimes we are looking with such intent at what we are looking that we completely miss the fact that life is trying to teach us what not to do. We don’t tend to see our own faults. Sometimes it takes another person’s situation or observation to make us recognize the things that we do the same way. Only then can we be aware enough to change them.

So if you find someone annoying you, think about what it is they are doing that is getting on your nerves. Are they being pushy? Think about what ways you may have acted that that is causing such a vivid reaction to their actions. Maybe they are that way because they have let others push them around in the past. Maybe you did too. Are they being passive-aggressive? In what ways might you be passive-aggressive, or appear that way to others?

These are just examples. It can be a real smack in the face when we realize the unexpected and far-reaching impact of our actions. It may not always be that we actually acted that way, but it might be something we are doing that causes people to see us that way. Or maybe we really act that way, and we just don’t realize what other people are seeing in us. Either way, our sub-conscious mind is sensitive to it – sensitive enough to trigger a reaction in us. Our objective mind can see things more clearly than our subjective thoughts, and it’s trying to get our attention.

Life has a way of showing and teaching us what we need to know, and sometimes it comes to us in unexpected ways. It’s up to us to pay attention and learn from these things. So pay attention! More importantly, don’t take things personally. Each of our actions is our own responsibility, and when we take on responsibility for others’ actions by getting angry, worried or upset, we are only causing harm to ourselves. It isn’t the other person’s fault that we react the way we do. It is our choice to react that way, and we can choose to react differently.

When you see something you don’t like in others, recognize that reflection of yourself in the situation. Take the time to understand why you are choosing to feel the way you do, then react with love, and thank them for the valuable lessons they have taught you! Use the situation to make positive changes in your experience, and the experiences of those around you.

Blessings…

For now we see through a mirror darkly; but then face to face. Now I know in part; but then I shall know even as also I am known (I Corinthians 13:12).

So many elevens, so little time

Okay, it’s November 11, 2011. 11/11/11. Is it just a date, or does it mean something more? It’s hard to say, and I’m not sure I have the answers, but it is far too tempting to pass up as a topic for a lesson to be learned. Somehow, seeing all those ones together creates fascination in our minds. It must mean something!

Eleven has a great significance in Numerology, the study of numbers. Every number has a significant role in the cycle of our lives. Eleven is a number that has a special spiritual significance. With all these elevens, today must really be a special day!

I’ve blogged about the whole 2012 thing and what it means – not the end of the world, but a shift in spiritual consciousness. Numerologically, 2012 is a 5 energy – an energy of change. Isn’t that what people are expecting in one form or another? Maybe 11/11/11 is a sign of this change. Don’t forget that 2012 is only 51 days away, and it’s just about a year until the Mayan calendar cycle ends (The beginning of the end?…nah!). November 11 also marks Veteran’s Day, originally Armistice Day, a holiday celebrating the end of the first World War. This was end of a nightmare that was never supposed to happen again. It was a shift in consciousness, where the energy of war was replaced by an energy of peace and regrowth. That the war ended on November 11, makes it more significant. Numerologically, November 11, 1918 was also a 5 energy – that of change. Composed of two elevens in the date, it signifies a significant spiritual change. Significant enough that we’re still celebrating it 93 years later!

Enough about Numerology. The past few days, I have been feeling the need to write, but have had an empty feeling of not knowing what to express or how to express it. A lot has been changing around me. Changes at my job. Changes at my church. Changes in the world. Exciting events going on for which there is little time to prepare. Neither good changes, nor bad, but changes just the same. With these changes comes an energy, mostly good, which has been building up inside, but no way to release it, because there are no words to express it. Maybe it was the approach of this date: the build-up of that energy that needed to go through that process to express itself.

Now I feel I must honor the occasion, lest it pass unspoken. And as a result, here I ramble. Does November 11 mean anything? In a way, it means a lot, in other ways, not much at all. On one hand, it’s just a date. On the other, it’s a symbol of our outlook on our life and the world around us. Look at Occupy Wall Street. It is a grass roots movement which, like the energy of 11/11/11, has built up to the point where people needed to express themselves. They couldn’t wait any longer for the people they depended on to look out for them, so they acted on their own, and it has gotten lots of attention.
Look at Penn State. Same type of energy in a different way: people deciding that enough inaction is enough, and doing something about it. With explosive results.

Look at the European economy. Again, people deciding that enough inaction is enough, and leaders stepping down as a result.

Is it just a coincidence that it’s all happening now? I don’t believe in coincidences. In a way, I think they are all connected by a general need and desire to welcome change – the thing we usually resist most. I think that’s what the mystique of 11/11/11 is about.

I can’t say what tomorrow will bring, only that today seems to be a turning point, where energy is changing, for better or for worse. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is not yet here, but there is a desire in our hearts for what tomorrow should be. Inaction leads to action. Maybe not where we think it should happen, but where it is meant to happen. Let’s look at November 12 and the days ahead with open eyes, without expectation. Change is in order, and the time is now. Change will happen whether we want it to or not. Let’s take advantage of this energy and change things for the better, wherever it is needed!

Blessings…

(Today’s image, depicting the date, is original artwork by the author)

Change is inevitable, and it’s okay

I’ve posted about this before. And somehow, it keeps creeping into my life every day: change. Something is always changing on me. It might be the color of shirt I want to wear, or the weather, or what people are talking about on the news, or my underwear. It’s what makes my life interesting. If everything stayed the same, day in and day out, I think I would go stark raving mad!
There are big changes going on right now. Everywhere you look, things are changing. People are happy about one change, upset about another, and tomorrow, it might be the other way around. I’m not going to talk about what the specific changes are, but how people seem to react to them.

We know that things change. We see it constantly, but somehow, we don’t really see it. When things change, it throws people off balance. It makes them question themselves and the happenings around them. Why did it change? Why can’t it be the way it always has? What am I going to do? There is a sense of loss of control.

For others, it’s the need to know. What changed when I wasn’t looking? Why did it change? Tell me what happened, so I have something to talk about!

We can’t control everything. We can’t know everything, and most of the time, it isn’t even our place to know. We somehow have an innate need to know and do, anyway. Even when we are fully aware and understand why a change is taking place, if enough people start questioning it, somehow, we start doubting ourselves and begin questioning, it too. Was there a motive? Is there something they left out? Why didn’t I know sooner? What am I going to tell people when they ask? My response: who cares?!

Some things aren’t meant for us to know, even if it’s what we think we want. People are entitled to privacy, and sometimes our need to know seems to trump our right to keep things to ourselves. If you are famous, you have no personal life. Everyone automatically becomes entitled to every little detail, whether it makes sense or not. If someone gets fired, we need to know why and what they did, so we can prevent it from happening again. Or is it because we need something to judge them by? Does it really matter that _______________’s husband hasn’t been seen with his wife in weeks, and now he’s been out at a club dancing with _____________’s girlfriend?

Sometimes things just change because it’s time. It’s that way most of the time, but so often, we don’t want to see it that way. There has to be a reason for every change, and unless we understand that reason, we don’t rest easy. It’s seems that it’s just the way we process change as humans. In reality, though, most changes, and the reasons for them, are none of our business. Why did cousin Nancy split up with her husband? Why didn’t my spouse tell me about the money she spent? Why did the community center cancel the dance classes? Why do eggs cost more this week? Where’s the Beef?

Despite the popular saying, “Change is good,” it sometimes isn’t. At least that’s how we see it. Change really is good, because it stops life from being lifeless. More importantly, change is there to make us pay attention and learn. There is always a lesson in change. There is always something good that comes out of every “bad” situation (you know how I feel about the word “bad.”) It’s just easier, and perhaps more entertaining, to dwell on the bad things than to try to find the good side of the situation. But if we are always focusing on the negative, or on specific events, we’re missing everything else there is to see. It is a distraction from reality.

Yes, things will change. They are supposed to. That’s okay. Life will go on anyway. We just need to find it in ourselves to be okay with it.

Blessings…

Look inside – you’ll be surprised at what you find in the box

I have never considered myself a religious person, but I’ve been feeling quite spiritual lately. You’ve probably noticed it in the theme of the last few blog posts. There’s probably good reason for it. Four of my friends were ordained as ministers earlier this month, and in many ways, I felt like I was right there with them when it happened. Despite my lack of formal religious upbringing (I went to Sunday school for a few weeks the year I was in kindergarten, and I still have no idea why I was there), I have discovered by reflecting on my life that I have been on a spiritual journey all along.

The journey began many years ago, perhaps even when I was a small boy, discovering my own relationship with God. My parents were from different faith backgrounds, and neither was highly active in their religious practice. Rather than imposing one religion or the other on us, we were left to think for ourselves and find our own “truth.” Thank God (literally)! Because I didn’t have the religious structure, my head wasn’t filled with the dogma and rules that I’ve seen so many other people become engrossed by. Some people get so wound up in the dogma, they have nearly forgotten about God, much less what to do with the knowledge they have acquired during the process, except to use it to judge others.

I know that sounds a little judgmental, and perhaps it is, a little carry-over from my pre-spiritual days when the even the word “church” made my skin crawl. I’ve said many times that I never went to church except for weddings and funerals, and occasionally to be polite to family and friends I may have been visiting. It solidified a thought in me that “church=bad,” and “free thinking=good,” as if one were exclusive of the other.

As a teenager, I would look up at the moon and talk to God. For some years, I started writing letters. It was probably more like a diary, but this growing home-grown spirituality got me through some tumultuous times in my coming-of-age years. Some day, when I’m gone from this physical existence, someone may get a good laugh at my laments!

About eight years ago, I stumbled across a church, one that has a less traditional look at religion and which encourages people to think logically about what is true for themselves. Actually, I didn’t exactly stumble across it. It was recommended, and in hindsight, I see that Divine order brought me there when I was ready for it. I went reluctantly, and left feeling pleased (!). In that little church, I discovered dozens of people who think much the way I had all along. After all those years, I found that it wasn’t just something I made up. Though I found it on my own, I was not alone in my thinking. In a few short weeks, I went from despising church to loving it. I was home, and I’ve been going almost every weekend ever since. After decades of running from what I thought I hated, I found that “free thinking” and “church” could easily live in the same sentence without cancelling each other out!

Over the ensuing years, I have taken many classes to continue exploring my own spirituality. I expect this path of learning to continue through my life. These classes include meditation, philosophy, and yes, scriptural study. The good news is that I found a way to incorporate these things in my life by finding a personal meaning in the words, not just what everyone else always told me I should believe.

Over the summer, I was inspired by one of our sister churches, which doesn’t have its own facility to offer an educational program or other activities to their congregation. A group of us worked together to develop an off-site educational program to help people in our community discover their own spirituality, not unlike the process I went through on my own so many years ago. Suddenly, I have a classroom, and I’m a teacher. It is a fulfillment of a prophecy of sorts. Way back in 3rd grade, I was sitting under an easel with a classmate, Dina King. She was struggling with something the teacher had taught us, and I was trying to find a way to explain it to her so she’d understand. She finally got it, and told me I should be a teacher. I always remembered that, and though I have never been a teacher professionally, I think it was always in my blood and in my destiny to help people learn. Not so much to teach them, but to help them learn. There’s a difference.

So after many years of reflection, contemplation, internal struggle and finally, acceptance, the road has brought me to a new oasis on my journey. It is exciting, and sometimes scary, but it feels good. There is satisfaction of not only doing something to enrich my community, but the thrill of building something that can touch people’s lives. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that several other friends have been inspired to start doing the same type of thing in different parts of the country, unaware of each other’s efforts until we got together recently!

So what does this mean? As much as it probably sounds like it, this is not meant to be an infomercial. It’s not meant to be a call to worship. It is simply a story of one man’s journey within and what he found there. And you can do the same. Take some time – a few minutes, a day, a week, or longer if you need it. Sit quietly. Think about your life and what you have accomplished, and what you would like to accomplish. Think about how that accomplishment can be of benefit to others. Then go for it. When you find something you truly have passion for, you will find a way to make it happen. It will be more rewarding than anything you have ever done, even if you never make a penny from the effort. The greatest commandment of all: “Love they neighbor as thyself” takes on new meaning when you actually do it.

Spirituality doesn’t mean the same thing as religion. Or church. It means finding a connection with God – or whatever you want to call the creative life-force that is in everything – and making the best use of it once you find it. When you open a box of Cracker Jack, and you dig down to the bottom, you’ll find a surprise. You know it’s there, it’s just a matter of looking for it. It’s the same way in this life we’ve chosen. Look inside. There’s something special inside of you, waiting. You just have to be willing to dig through the peanuts and popcorn, and any other flotsam and jetsam that has collected over the years, to find it. And when you do, you’ll be glad you took the time to do it.

Blessings…

It’s amazing what we can create with our thoughts

You’ve heard of the law of attraction. I’ve probably blogged about it. You hear it expressed in a lot of ways, but no matter how you express it, it’s an amazing thing. One of my biggest pet peeves is fake words, but there is one that I’m growing an appreciation for: “visioning.” It means focusing an image or thoughts in your head, and imagining that it has already come true. This sets off the energy of the Law of Attraction and what you “vision” starts happening.

It’s called “visioning” because we are actually creating a mental image as if it has already taken place. It is visioning that brings us the fancy new gadgets that are always coming about. Someone has a vision, and then the vision manifests. It’s not that they are necessarily creating the manifestation itself. They are simply opening the door and accepting that it is possible for the manifestation to occur. It’s like getting approval for an expense. Once the expense is approved, it opens the door for the money to be used to purchase what is needed. Only we’re not always talking about money. It could be a better attitude, healing, a new job, or a safe trip.

We actually do this all the time, and we don’t even realize it, but truthfully, we have a tendency to do it with negative things: “I hope XXX doesn’t happen,” “I’m sick,” “I’m never going to finish.” What we say and think creates manifestations of what we say and think. Visioning takes this concept and encourages us to put a positive spin on our thoughts – draw what we want, repel what we don’t. The key is not to use negative terms that could do harm. If there is someone who bothers you, you can choose to tell them to drop dead, or you can “vision” that they lose interest in you and find something more rewarding to do, or that they find what they need in someone else. You never want to wish harm on anyone, because what you put out can come back to you. We’re all part of the same universe, and when we harm our brothers and sisters, we hurt ourselves, so we always want to act with love and kindness.

Some folks I know are associated with a church that has been struggling with keeping a permanent minister, and keeping their congregation engaged. The board of trustees started a visioning program: Focusing on what they want, rather than dwelling on their lack. So they have lost most of their membership. That doesn’t mean they can’t be thankful for those who have remained loyal, and set out a vision to become a center of light that draws exactly what is needed for their highest good, and the highest good of all concerned.

If they say something negative like, “We aren’t succeeding,” they won’t. If they complain because they are losing their membership, they will. If they worry about having to close their doors because of failure, it will happen. So why not send out positive, loving thoughts? They will succeed, because they want to, and they are learning to use the power of the Law of Attraction to manifest positive things. A wise man I know says quite often, “Mind activates principle, which produces results.” Whether you are inventing something, or wishing real hard, this principle is true.

The words we use must be chosen carefully. Even words like “wish,” “need,” and “hope,” can be used negatively. If you wish for something, you are affirming that you don’t have it. If you need something, you are affirming lack in your situation. If you hope for something, you are also leaving room for the possibility that the opposite will happen.

And don’t put too many rules around it. We can vision healing, but don’t specify how it should be done – divine order will take care of that. If we put too many rules, we are restricting the energy, and could easily change the tone of the vision into something that isn’t what’s best for the situation. Always ask for what is for your highest good and the highest good of all concerned – don’t be worried about what “that” is, just ask for it and let it happen. The more open and less judging your mind is, the more easily things manifest. This also acts as an insurance policy. If you accidentally ask for the wrong thing, the universe still responds with what is best for the situation. Just remember that it isn’t about what you want. It’s about what’s best.

Do you have something you need to “vision?” Here is a simple template, in the form of a simple prayer, which can be modified to fit just about any situation. Just be careful what you ask for! You might just get it.

Blessings…

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God,

We call on your loving, creative presence to guide and support us in our vision for [what you want], now and for the future. As we reflect on the blessings we receive every day, we visualize the [situation] immersed and blanketed in pure, white light. In this light, we find and manifest the [what you need most – just don’t say “need!”]. We visualize and manifest [wish list item] to [why it is important. Example: We visualize and manifest abundant, healthy food to nourish the homeless families in our community.] [Repeat for each specific thing you want to manifest.] And should these manifestations exceed our expectations, we visualize and manifest a [what to do with all the excess that you create – it will happen!]. Through this vision, our cup runneth over and for this we give thanks. All of this we set forth with an attitude of love, gratitude and caring warmth, not out of personal will and desire, but for the highest good of our [family, workplace, community, etc.] and its needs. Amen…

Change is good, even when it doesn’t seem that way

We hear a lot about 2012 and how people expect it to be the end of the world. The world isn’t going to end. It’s just the end of the Mayan calendar. Personally, I think the Mayans got to 2012 and figured it was so far off, that it didn’t really matter whether they kept counting – someone could figure out the rest when it got closer. They were right. How relevant is 2012 to the Mayans?!

But then there are the rest of us, and boy, have some of us whipped ourselves in a frenzy over it. If there is any change at all, I think it will be a shift in consciousness, where we start realizing all of the pain that we have caused our earth, our society and each other and start changing our ways. Wishful thinking? Maybe.

Last night I had a dream. It gave me a glimpse into one possible course of events that could lead to the 2012 that we keep hearing about. Was it a bad dream? Yes, if you believe in “bad.” (I don’t believe in “bad.” Bad is just a low degree of good, and there is good in everything.) Was it unbearable? No. In fact, as negative as the situation seemed in my dream, there was an eerie calm about the whole thing. No panic. Just a realization that a door had opened where people could truly live for each other instead of for themselves.

What was this event? I’m not going to say, because I don’t want to feed that kind of energy or give fodder for anyone else to do so. The dream didn’t deal with the end of the world, but maybe the end of the world as we have come to know it. No more greed and selfishness. Everyone on an equal footing, no matter their former background, their social or financial status, their race, religion or any other way of comparing ourselves so far. All equal. All for one, one for all. Sort of like a metaphysical Noah’s Ark. A symbolic washing away of the untrue and unnecessary, except in this story, everyone gets to go along for the ride.

As I said, the dream was scary in some ways. Relieving, and maybe even refreshing in others. Some would consider this course of events a disaster. But with time, we would all see what a blessing it truly is. No one is physically hurt. No bombs, no earthquakes, no tsunamis. No floods, no frogs, no locusts. Just peace and brotherhood. Oh, most of those other things will likely happen sooner or later. They always do, but that’s another story for another time.

In my dream, I saw what was happening, and immediately got that sinking feeling you get when you realize it’s something big, and there ain’t a thing you can do to stop it. But then you realize what it means as you wait for the calm. And it was calm. Not in a fearful way, but in a peaceful way.
In some ways, I dread that my dream will come true. And in some ways I dread that it won’t. This lopsided world of extremes, with nothing in the middle to hold the ends together, can’t continue to survive as it is. Something’s gotta give. And it very well may. But even if it does, like most situations, good things will come out of it. More than most of us could ever imagine. Was my dream beyond possibility? No. Was it probable? No. But it could realistically happen. Let’s wait and see. And like any “bad” situation, let’s make the best of it if it does!

Blessings.

Mind your own gossip

Life has taught me a lot about the nature of people and their need to understand things, even when it really isn’t something they need to know. Sometimes it’s out of concern, sometimes out of love, sometimes out of sheer nosiness. I recently discovered The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, which teaches us how to create and live in our own reality without being dragged down by everyone else’s. One of the things that the book touches on is how toxic gossip is. People get wind of a little tidbit and have an almost uncontrollable urge to share. The juicier the tidbit, the harder it is to leave it alone. Once it is out, it quickly grows a life of its own. It is hurtful and contagious, and can easily pull us in a direction we might not, and probably should not want to go. Many of us feed on it. The more we get, the more we want. Alice Roosevelt Longworth is quoted as saying, “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me!” Since gossip is usually triggered by an experience that we perceive as negative, it tends to generate even more negative energy as it passes from one host to another, like a computer virus. And like a virus, it spreads quickly.

Let’s say for example that a neighbor loses their home to foreclosure. They have lived there for many years, and suddenly, they are out on the street. Almost immediately, the thoughts start buzzing: Why did it happen? How can the bank do that to them? Why didn’t the person see it coming? Why didn’t they do something to avoid it? Why isn’t their family taking them in? We start looking for answers to questions that, maybe, we shouldn’t be asking. Did they lose their job? Do they have a gambling problem? Do they have problems managing their money? Did they try to hard to look successful when they weren’t? Did they get caught up in a refinancing scheme that caused their payments to balloon beyond reason? Are they having health problems and can’t pay the bills?

We look for fault. We look for blame. We start reading things into the situation that may not even exist. People start talking: “I’ll bet…” or “Did you hear…?” or “I always knew…” or “Can you believe…?” They jump to conclusions, or react with strong emotion, because (1) they empathize with someone they like, (2) they don’t really understand the nuances of what really happened, and (3) they are adding elements of their own judgment based on their limited point of view. People talk. They spread rumors. They don’t check the facts. They assume facts that never existed. They feel like they need to understand that is someone else’s personal business. They take ownership of the situation that isn’t theirs to own.

We also have a tendency to want to take sides in a situation. We want to see things as black and white, when in truth, every situation is a neutral gray. It is the thoughts we put into a situation that force it one way or the other. And gossip doesn’t have to be shared to work its magic. The gossip we create affects our own mind and our own point of view, even if we never share it with anyone else!

The instant gratification of television news and social media has conditioned us to feel like we are entitled to know private details of other people’s lives, even complete strangers. It also encourages us to take sides as a result of the proliferation of personal opinions we hear when a situation occurs. How often do we hear about how online bullying and gossip can ruin people’s reputations and their lives? Why don’t we realize that this is like pouring gasoline on a fire? We react and make judgments that are beyond our responsibility in this life, and we cause undue harm in the process.

There is an expression I have heard many times over the years: When you ASSUME, it makes an “ASS out of U and ME.” There are situations that might make it easier for this to happen. To protect themselves or their family, or to avoid hurting a related party’s reputation, people dealing with an uncomfortable event in their life might be reluctant to discuss the details, or they may choose to describe them generically, intentionally omitting details to avoid creating the wrong impression to someone who wasn’t intimately involved in the situation. Because we tend to see this omission as “hiding something,” it triggers speculation, which leads to more assumptions, more gossip, and more negative energy. It is a vicious cycle.

It is important to remember that unless we know the facts of the situation – not what we think or assume, but what we know because we were directly involved – we are insulated from the real truth. We can’t reach a fair judgement without having been there, or understanding all sides of a situation. Most of us don’t take the time, or even care to dig this deep, and even more often, the parties involved are silent about their private matters, making it that much harder for us to have a true understanding.

So what does this mean? A friend of mine liked to tell people, “mind your business and leave mine alone.” We don’t really need to know. We might want to know, but we don’t need to know. But we can avoid this cycle of negativity. We can show empathy and love without having to know every juicy detail. Yes, the situation happened. Yes there was a reason, whatever it was. And now it is time to heal. Provide encouragement. Provide a hug. Don’t drag someone further into a tailspin because of our own selfish desire to know more.

One of my favorite expressions is “Let Go and Let God.” It means that we don’t need to be bogged down by trying to fix the world’s problems. It doesn’t mean we should ignore them, but we shouldn’t let things we can’t change drive us crazy. We can’t fix someone else’s problems. It is not our position to help unless someone wants our help. It’s okay to offer, if we have intention of genuine concern and love, but let the person accept. Don’t ask questions, just help them with what they want. What is done is done and cannot be changed. We can only move forward. By avoiding taking responsibility for someone else’s experiences, we help that person move forward positively. Getting caught up in someone else’s personal problems doesn’t help anyone, and keeps everyone from getting past it.  We can only take responsibility for out own business, no matter how tempting it is to start taking responsibility for others’.

The Four Agreements teaches ancient wisdom which we can use to maintain a positive attitude and develop true freedom from the difficulties we create in our own lives and in the lives of those around us. If we are careful with our words, we won’t create unnecessary negative energy or harm. If we don’t take situations personally, we can remain impartial and objective, allowing a situation to take its course naturally. If we don’t make assumptions, we avoid misunderstandings and embarrassment. And if we make our best effort in doing these things, we help maintain an even keel in any situation.

So in a nutshell, mind your own business. If we take responsibility for our own problems and let others do the same, things will play out naturally, without unnecessary chaos. If someone has a difficult situation, don’t worry about how they got that way. Just bless them with your love and compassion. If they want your opinion, or to tell you the details, they will. If not, there is a reason for it, and it isn’t our place to push for details or to make up our own to fill the gaps. Act in love, and you create love. Let Go and Let God. And mind your own gossip!

Blessings…

We can rebuild: A day of remembrance

Most of my posts are inspired by my personal experiences and the lessons I learn from them. While this is personal for me, this blog is about you, and everyone else in our country. Today is September 11, the tenth anniversary of the tragic attacks on our cities. Yes, it’s personal for me, because I had my own experience, but every person in this nation also had an experience of reacting to the unexpected horror of being attacked by man-made missiles full of human lives. In hindsight, there have been far worse tragedies and disasters in history, where many thousands or millions of lives were lost. But this was different. We chose to take personally, because it was an invasion of our space, it happened in our lifetime, and it affected us, in many ways.

Despite the words I am using, I have learned that ten years can heal a lot. While there are bitter memories, it is best to look positively on what we see as a bad situation. Yes, it was tragic. Yes, thousands of people lost their lives and even more lost loved ones. But we have a lot to be grateful for. Today is a day of remembrance. But our focus should not be only on remembering what we lost. We should also remember what we have gained, because that is what takes us forward, instead of getting stuck in the past. So what to we have to be thankful for? Here are a few:

• It could have been much worse. Yes, two of the largest office building complexes in our country were attacked. But what if it had happened two hours later? The deaths might have been numbered in tens of thousands rather than less than 3,000. It is a blessing that the attacks happened while people were still commuting.
• Our citizens found a reason to come together as a unified body for the first time in many decades. For a few days, at least, there were no political parties, no griping about the economy or taxes, no judgment about religion or race. We were truly Americans, united. We thought that moment would last forever, and it has. All we need to do is remember it from time to time.
• We are safer and stronger. Does that mean there won’t be more terrorism? I doubt it, but we have learned to keep our eyes and ears open, and be more vigilant in identifying efforts to produce harm so that it might not happen.
• Most importantly, we realized that we can survive just about anything. As bad as it was, we did survive. A little bruised, but we survived. We have moved ahead. As we speak, a new tower rises 80 stories above the ruins in New York City, with 30+ more yet to be built. The Pentagon has been restored so beautifully that you can’t tell where the attack took place.

Is this a perfect world? No, it is not. It never was, and it probably never will be, nor should we expect it to be. It is that imperfection that helps us grow and learn every day. But that’s okay. The events of 9/11 remind us that we are here, we have found love in our hearts, and we are ever progressing toward a true spirit of brotherhood. Every challenge we encounter is a lesson that helps us to be wiser and stronger. There will be bumps along the way, but September 11 will always remind us of which direction we are trying to go. We remember it because it is fresh on our minds. Blessings to you and your family, and to the families who lost loved ones on 9/11 or in any other tragedy in history. Ten years ago, we said, “We will rebuild,” and the results instantly began manifesting from that single thought. And look what we have to be thankful for.

And so it is.

The Rules of the Road apply when driving down Memory Lane

For those of you who don’t use Facebook, this will probably seem a little foreign, but bear with me, you’ll understand what I’m getting at. Someone, I’m not sure who, created a new Facebook group recently called “You are probably from [town names] if…” The idea was to get people to talk about their experiences growing up in what used to be charming little bedroom communities that were once the outer reaches of the Washington, DC suburbs, which have since outgrown their suburban adolescence and have become nearly-urban areas in their own right. I lived there for nine years in the 70s and 80s, and my mother moved back and lived there another 21 years on top of that, so I have LOTS of memories there, starting from 8th grade on. Apparently so do almost 1,700 other people, most of whom are my age, give or take a few years. And we all ran into each other at almost exactly the same time.

This Facebook group was a cute idea, but boy, did it open the floodgates. All of these people chatting online about people, places and things they remember (or don’t remember): people they knew, teachers at school, stores at the mall (and various other places), where they worked, who they partied with, where they bought beer when they were 16. You name it, it’s there. And it’s like drugs. This is probably one of the most addictive things I have seen that doesn’t involve controlled substances or video games. Imagine being locked in a big room with hundreds, perhaps thousands of people, mostly strangers, who all lived and experienced much of the same things you did, at the same time you did, but not with you. Then suddenly, you realize that you all have all of these similar things in common. Decades of memories unloading almost uncontrollably as we all experience that rush of endorphins triggered by (mostly) happy memories. It has been quite a weekend, to say the least.

Now that I’ve come down off of my rush, I am realizing that driving down Memory Lane is not unlike driving on any public street in a real car. There are rules of the road which must be followed, lest you run into a ravine or get upturned flying around a curve too fast:

1. Don’t leave home without your license. Everyone must learn to drive, and understand the proper way to operate a vehicle. You aren’t allowed to drive unless you do this and get approval. It works the same way on Memory Lane. You need to prepare yourself for what lies ahead, and understand how to navigate through lots of old information that has been piling up and gathering dust in the corners of your (and lots of other people’s) minds. If you don’t, you won’t make it very far without running into trouble.
2. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do when your parents are watching. You would never drag race or run red lights or burn rubber with your parents in the back seat (at least most of us wouldn’t!). The same applies to your trip down Memory Lane. It becomes easy to start talking about things you did in your earlier years that your parents might not have been proud of. But remember that even when you are driving on the Internet in the privacy of your home and among friends, others are watching. It might not be your parents, but you still need to be careful not to say anything that will get you in trouble – with an employer, a spouse, whomever might happen to notice!
3. Don’t get distracted. When operating your car, you can’t multi-task without risking a serious accident. You can’t talk on the cell phone, put on your make-up, discipline your children, etc. while operating heavy equipment! On Memory Lane, you need to have the same discipline. Keep an eye on the road. Listen to the conversations carefully, and proceed with caution. You don’t want to get caught up in a conversation that’s out of your league, or say something that might be offensive or disparaging.
4. Take frequent rest breaks. When you are driving on a long trip, you need to stop and rest occasionally. To take a bathroom break, to eat, to catch a nap to refresh yourself. If you don’t, you can easily fall asleep at the wheel. On Memory Lane, the same principle applies. Take frequent breaks. Do something else that will occupy your mind for a while. If you have been up all night on the Internet chatting about the good ol’ days, it’s time to let someone else drive for a while!
5. Don’t speed. Just like having lots of cars around you on the road, a trip down Memory Lane has a lot to navigate through. Take your time. Participate in one conversation at a time. Don’t try to keep up with too much at once, or you will get stopped along the way. There is time to enjoy it all. It’s not a race, it’s an experience that’s meant to be enjoyed, even if you are excited about it!
6. Make sure your insurance is up-to-date. When you drive, you need insurance, in case something goes wrong. When you travel on Memory Lane, you also need insurance. Not from GEICO or Progressive, but by being prepared for the consequences of anything you (or your friends) might accidentally say or do. Have a plan. Know how that delete button works. Don’t do or say anything that you can’t justify or explain. Make sure you can trust your friends to do the same, otherwise, you may end up battling it out in court!
7. Drive defensively. Just like when driving on the real road, you can’t control what other people do on Memory Lane. People (including you) might say things they don’t mean. They might bring up subjects that really should be off limits. They might disparage someone you really liked. Expect obstacles, and learn how to navigate through or around them, so you don’t run off the road into a ditch. Of course, you don’t want to run anyone else off the road, either.
8. Keep your tank full. Spending hours talking with old friends and new acquaintances is exciting, but just like a long drive, sooner or later, you need to fill up. Take a break. Eat a good meal. Regroup a little. Then return to your trip, ready to enjoy the new scenery that lies just ahead.
9. Don’t drive drunk. With a car, it’s alcohol. On Memory Lane, it’s the excitement as people recall things you haven’t thought of in years that has an addictive quality that can easily get you wrapped around the axle. Don’t overindulge. Reminisce in small doses.

Even though I’m using the Internet as an example, the principle applies to any social situation: high school reunions, family gatherings, sporting events. Like driving on the highway, a trip down Memory Lane can be a lot of fun, and a rewarding experience. Like all things in life, moderation is key. Too much of a good thing is still too much.

So go dig up some old friends, or find some new ones, and share those precious treasures that have been growing dust bunnies in your closet and in your mind. Have fun. And be careful. And remember to call if you’re going to be late!

Blessings

Give and let give

In our modern society, despite the impressions of folks from other parts of the world to the contrary (and sometimes rightfully so), we Americans are pretty well trained to be modest, at least when it comes to accepting gifts. We are supposed to do nice things for other people, but it is sometimes difficult to let people do nice things for us. Either we are embarrassed, or feel like we need to repay the favor, or we question a person’s motives for their kindness. Either way, we are blocking the flow of energy. When we give, we feel good, but when we receive, we feel sometimes feel guilty or like we are taking advantage of someone. “It’s better to give than to receive,” they say, but how can one thing happen without the other?

We had dinner at the Outback Steakhouse tonight. Our server recognized us from previous visits and seemed so happy to see us. I guess when you spread a little sunshine, people remember it, and we’ve achieved near-celebrity status at a few places that we frequent. Apparently Outback Steakhouse is one of those places!

Our server was excited to tell us about new things on the menu, and everything we selected was confirmed by enthusiastic praise. The first reaction is like I said before: a little embarrassment from the attention, and a little cynicism, wondering why she was being so nice – almost too nice!

We placed our order, and she brought out our salads – one of my favorites: a blue cheese and pecan chopped salad. When I finished, our server took my plate, and I paid a humorous compliment by saying that it “tasted almost like some more” – an expression I picked up from an old friend many years ago. Next thing you know, she is bearing gifts for us: a carry-out bag with two salads, and extra bread to take home! Now the embarrassment is raised to the next level, and we are really wondering what kind of tip she is expecting out of us.

We got our entrees, and she kept telling us how much she enjoys the items we ordered and what good choices we made. I thought about it and realized that tonight isn’t unusual. There was another time we ate there, and she wasn’t even our server, and she acted the same way. I think our smiles and our cheerfulness were shining with such a bright light that she couldn’t help but notice and respond in kind. She was giving to us, because we were giving to her, and we didn’t even realize it.

So what is my point after all this rambling? Don’t be afraid to give of yourself, and more importantly, don’t be afraid to receive when someone is giving to you. If you aren’t willing to receive, you are denying someone the opportunity to give. Do you have to respond in kind when someone gives to you? I think we do that automatically when we show sincere gratitude for a kind gesture. It doesn’t mean we necessarily need to go out and buy a gift in return, though sometimes, that’s nice, too. Our true present is our presence – being there for the person, and allowing them to be there for you.

Do I believe that it is better to give than to receive? It depends on the motive, but in general, I think they are fair equals, because one depends so strongly on the other.

Give freely, receive cheerfully, and keep the loving energy in motion always.

Blessings…